Holding Us Together
by Foreverred
Summary: The Marauders changed a lot there last two years at Hogwarts. It all started one night before their sixth year when the arrival of a girl changed everything. Can this be what they need to stay together.
1. Chapter 1

James was lying in bed when he heard a commotion downstairs. He could hear his mom and some other people talking downstairs, but couldn't make out what they were saying. He got out of bed and snuck part of the way downstairs to try and listen to what they were talking about.

"Charles please bring me my bag."

James could now see part of the living room. His mother was standing over a girl who didn't look like she was awake. There were two adults that James didn't recognize standing around and a boy who looked to be a couple of years older than him next to the girl.

"James I know your watching. Come down here."

James obeyed and walked into the room. No one seemed to really acknowledge him as he walked closer to his mother. He could see now that the girl was bleeding heavily and he breaths were coming in ragged and short.

"Is there anything you can do Nora?" The boy asked taking the girls hand.

"I think she's going to be alright Derek. I just need you to try and remember everything you father did to her."

James father came back in with his mother's bag of healing supplies and she set to work immediately. She started to clean out the girl's wounds and rub various salves on them as she listen to Derek describe the different curses that had been inflicted on the girl. His mother then began to do a series of magical tests before she finally gave the girl a potion.

"Derek, where are we?" She asked as her eyes fluttered open.

"Shh Remy, it's alright. We are at the Potter's in England. Everything is going to be okay now."

The two embraced and cried. Nora left a few potions for Derek to take because he too looked injured and ushered everyone else down the hall into the study.

"Thank you Nora for taking care of this. We felt it was only fair that we brought the girl here because you are her godparents. We weren't able to save Abigail and Neil had already taken his own life before we arrived. If you need anything just let us know." With that the two men apporated away and left James stunned staring at his parents.

"Mum who is that girl? What's going on?"

"Go wake up Sirius and we'll explain everything to both of you."

James went upstairs to retrieve his best mate who was not at all pleased with being woken up in the middle of the night. They exchanged a look that made Sirius realize something terrible must have happened, so he got out of bed without further complaint. The two walked downstairs in silence until they reached the study.

"Okay Mum, can you please explain to me what just happened?"

"Both you should sit down, this is going to be a minute." Charles instructed.

"Sirius the reason I had James wake you was so we only had to do this once. There are two young people in our living room right now that have suffered great trauma. Their father murdered their mother, and attempted to torture both of them to death as well, before he took his own life. Their names are Derek and Remy Banks. They are Americans, but their mother was British. I knew Abigail her whole life and thought of her as a little sister. Her family lived next door to mine growing up and our parents were good friends. She was much younger than me, but we were both only children, which made us close. She moved to America shortly after she finished Hogwarts and met her husband Neil there. He was always a very damaged man and was abusive to both her and their children. Abigail always thought she could fix him, but some people just can't be helped. Derek is 20 and has already finished school, so he will likely only stay here for a little while, but Remy is your age and will be given the option to stay here and attend Hogwarts with you boys in a few weeks."

"I know this is a lot to take in lads, but your mother and I thought it was best if we did this now. Please give the Banks children any support you can. I know this may seem very familiar to you Sirius and we don't want to pressure you if you are not ready."

The boys both nodded, but didn't say anything. James kept looking over at Sirius, but he wouldn't meet his eyes. They all sat in silence for a while before Sirius got up and left without saying anything. James followed him up onto the Potter's roof where Sirius was lighting a cigarette.

"You alright?" James asked after a long silence.

"It's just so fucked. I know my parents are shit, but I just hate to think about how many other kids had to grow up like me or worse. It makes it hard to believe that anything we do is changing anything."

"At least they got away too."

"Yeah, I guess that's good."

The boys stayed up on the roof staring off into the night for a while. James kept looking at his best friend wondering what he could say to make this better. Sirius always just shut down when things got to be too much for him and James didn't want to see this happen now.

"Let's just go back to bed. We can try and talk to them in the morning."

James nodded in agreement and the two went quietly back inside.

Sirius didn't remember falling asleep, but it was the screaming that woke him. For once, Sirius realized, it wasn't his own voice, but a girl's. He got out of bed, wand in hand, and ran down the corridor to the room the source of the noise. He threw open one of the guest bedroom doors to find a girl flailing about in her sleep. Sirius hesitated for a second, unsure if he should really be in here. He sighed deciding the damage was already done and tried to wake the girl. She lunged at him clawing at his face before she became all the way awake.

"Oh God, I'm sorry," she said seeing the scratches she had inflicted on the boy.

"It's alright, I thought someone might be hurting you when I heard you scream. I'll leave you to sleep."

"I was just a dream. Have you seen my brother?"

"No, but I can get him for you if you want."

"It's alright, he probably left already anyway. Would you mind checking to see if there is a letter on the desk?"

Sirius looked around and found a envelope that just said _Rems_ on the front. He brought it over to her and stood awkwardly while she read. He turned to try and leave when he heard he mumble something.

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing, he just has never been good with the kindness of strangers. He left in the middle of the night so he wouldn't have to explain himself. He went to go looking for work so he could support us."

"So you won't be staying?"

"No, he wants me to stay here for now. There are only a few weeks before school starts anyway. Hopefully he'll have found a good place for us by the time Christmas comes around."

"The Potter's won't mind if you stay for a while. They're good people."

"You're not there son?"

"No, that's James. I'm Sirius I've been living here since my parents kicked me out at the beginning of the summer."

"Oh, I didn't know."

"It's alright, why don't I leave so you can get back to sleep."

"Yeah, thank you."

"No problem."

"And Sirius, thanks for waking me up. Do the nightmares get better?"

"I'll let you know when mine stop."

With that Sirius closed the door and walked back to his own bed. It looked like they would make quite a large group journeying to King's Cross this year.


	2. Chapter 2

The days after Remy's arrival at Potter Manor were strangely normal. Remy could not be very active due to her wounds, but she spent time chatting with James and Sirius and wandering around the house with them. The boys loved their school very much and were thrilled to fill her in on five years worth of pranks and mischief.

"Have you found how to get to the roof yet?" Sirius asked Remy as they sat around that afternoon.

"If I say yes will you make me show you my way?"

The boys both laughed and nodded. The way Remy found was a short climb up the tree that grew beside her window. The boys had never gone this particular way because the same sort of tree grew beside Sirius' window. They sat down and all took out packs of cigarettes.

"Are you sure you should be smoking?"

"Did you quit after your folks threw you out?"

"Fair point, just go easy on them. Nora will kill me and Prongsie both if she thinks we let you smoke."

"She seems to be like she lets you guys get away with murder."

"That's more Sirius then me. She feels all bad for him because of the shit parents and doesn't think he can do any wrong."

"You'll get the same treatment once she gets past the hoping you don't die or are going to cry constantly stage."

"I haven't cried since the first night," Remy said suddenly sobering the mood.

"I was like that. I showed up the first night all messed up and I wouldn't talk to anyone. Nora healed me and I just went off into my own world. I lost it one night when we were all sitting at dinner. Charles reached out to grab Nora's hand and they smiled at each other. Then she ruffled my hair and I just lost it."

"I get that. Derek and I were staying with some friends of his last summer and I accidentally let their cat outside. I was so freaked out when I couldn't find it I started packing my stuff because I knew I'd ruined being able to stay with them. When they came back and asked me what was going on I explained and apologized and told them I'd go, but they just laughed and said the cat did that all the time. They hugged be and I just started sobbing like an idiot."

James felt suddenly like he didn't belong in this conversation. Remy was able to get Sirius to talk and open up more then he'd ever seen. James and Sirius were family, but Sirius couldn't talk to him about some of this stuff because he just didn't get it.

"Thank you," James whispered as he suddenly hugged Remy.

She stiffened and panicked, but when James didn't let go she began to cry. Derek had been the only person she'd let hug her in a long time. This was different then those hugs. James was confident and willing to express himself this way. When he noticed she was crying he hugged her closer.

"Hey Remy it's okay, you're safe here. It's over." Sirius whispered to her as he wrapped his arms around the two of them.

They sat like that for a long time. The three of them were all crying at different points for different reasons. James was never so happy to see his friend in tears and knew he'd never be able to thank this girl enough.


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Remy?" James asked knocking on her door.

"Come in."

"We were jus wondering if you wanted to play some quidditch?"

"Just the three of us?"

"Well actually it would be more like five. Our other mates are coming over and we thought you might want to meet them."

"Okay, I guess I'll play."

Remy threw on her sneakers and grabbed her broomstick and followed the boys. She has always liked quidditch and had played for her school's team back in America. Sirius was downstairs talking to Nora and Charles as they finished breakfast.

"Oh Remy, it's so good to see you up and about. How are you feeling dear?"

"Better Nora, thank you again for healing me. The potions you've been giving me have really helped."

"Have the boys been good to you? They can be a lot to handle and I know you may not be up for their antics."

"Mum you know we are nothing but lovely." This earned an eye roll from both parents.

"Besides Nora, Remus is going to be here today. You know we can't get in any real trouble if he's about."

Nora laughed but seemed satisfied. The doorbell rang and James ran to collect his other friends. Two boys walked in, one tall and lanky with soft eyes and a pleasant smile, the other shorter and rounder who looked a little nervous.

"Remy these are James and my other mates. This is Remus Lupin and that's Peter Pettigrew."

"We're all going to play a bit of quidditch Mum, so we'll see you in a while."

"Are you sure you're up for that dearie?"

"Yeah, I think being outside will do me some good."

"Well take it easy on her boys. And don't bother the neighbors cats you know how sensitive Marge is about those things."

"Yes Mum," James said rolling his eyes and leading his friends outside.

"So how are we going to do teams?"

"Oh, silly new girl. James and I will be one team and you three will be the other. We will probably still have far too great of an advantage for you to score even once, but this makes it a bit more fair."

"Wow, is he always this bad?"

"You must not have played anything with Sirius or James yet. They are ridiculously competitive about everything, especially quidditch. Poor Pete and I end up mocked most of the time."

"Well, lucky for you I played Keeper for my school. So maybe we can give them a run for there money?"

Peter looked very excited by this prospect and took of quickly to meet James in the center of the field. Remus flew up beside him while Sirius and Remy went back to the goal posts. Remy appreciated being up in the air for the first time in a while. Up here she didn't have to think about everything that had happened. She could just relax and play quidditch, no one expected anything else from here.

James let Peter start with the quaffle, but he quickly intercepted it and was flying towards Remy. James looked focused, but relaxed. You could tell quidditch clearly came naturally to him. He tried to fake her out, but she easily blocked the shoot and threw the ball back to Remus.

"Damn, that was half decent Remy."

"Good thing I'm just getting started than James."

They both laughed and Remy realized how much she'd missed this game. They played for a while with James and Sirius winning, but only by a few goals. Remus and Peter were both impressed because they usually got creamed in these matches.

"Did you play for your old school Remy?"

"Yeah, we were the best in our division. I've been on the team since third year."

"What's a division?"

"Sorry Remy, this lot doesn't read much about how other wizarding schools works."

"It's alright Remus. I honestly didn't know very much about Hogwarts until I met these guys."

"Hogwarts is the singularly greatest school in all of the world," James said matter-of-factly.

"I can lend you my copy of _Hogwarts: A History_ if you want."

"That would be great thanks Remus."

"Great, we're going to have two Moony's now."

"Honestly that's better than two Padfoots."

James and Sirius started play fighting, which ended with James tackling Sirius and then they were rolling around on the group for a while. Everyone laughed at this until Charles came out and broke up the fight.

"Honestly boys, this is how you behave in front of company?"

"If she's going to live here I don't really see how she still get's to be considered company Dad."

This earned James a smack on the head and caused everyone else to laugh at him. He tried to pout to Nora when we got inside, but she only laughed at him. We all sat down and ate a quite lunch. Remy could tell that the two new boys were not entirely comfortable around her. She figured she should do something to try and lighten the mood, so she enchanted Sirus' sandwich to start singing at him.

"Merlin, maybe we do have two Padfoots."


	4. Chapter 4

September first had finally rolled around and the boys were willfully unprepared. Nora came up to get everyone up and found Remy had already packed her things and was sitting and reading.

"Remy dear, if it wouldn't be too much trouble would you mind helping James and Sirius pack. They nearly always make us late for the train."

"Of course Nora."

Remy soon discovered that things were much worse than she had imagined. James and Sirius' rooms connected with a door in the middle that was currently blocked with mountains of clothes and books. Remy couldn't even see James when she entered his room.

"Guys how do you have so much stuff?"

"Is that you Remy? I think I've been buried under a pile of socks. Please send for help."

Remy laughed at James' usual dramatics and helped him out from under a pile of clothes. She quickly showed the boys some sorting and packing charms that she had mastered years ago. Everything started flying in different directions and the rooms became mildly dangerous. Sirius seemed to have messed something up with his charm because he kept getting swept into James' trunk.

"Kids it is 10:30 we need to leave right now," Nora called up the stairs.

When they all came down the stairs with trunks packed Nora and Charles looked stunned. Charles even opened James' trunk to make sue he had actually packed it.

"You are a gift Remy," Nora said hugging the girl closely.

"Alright Nora let her breathe" Sirius said when he saw how uncomfortable Remy looked.

They apporated to King's Cross and they all made it onto the platform easily. Remy kept looking around in wonder of the busy platform. Her school had been much smaller than Hogwarts and they had just apporated to school without some kind of fancy train. Soon she noticed that people were staring at both at her and at Sirius.

"Is everyone looking at us?"

"Yeah, you'll just have to get used to that here. They all just want some kind of bloody gossip. Are you alright?"

"I'm just starting to freak out a bit and realize this was a terrible plan."

"Don't worry love, you're safe with us." Sirius' voice was soft and reassuring. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and the three of them headed towards the train.

"Did you find a bird on holiday and decide to bring her for show-and-tell Black?"

"Shove it Rossier."

"Wanted to show off to Mummy how well you're doing since they threw you out."

Sirius' eyes darkened and his grip on Remy tightened. James could tell he was trying hard to keep his cool.

"Leave him mate it's not worth it. Let's just go find Moony and Wormtail."

"I want a cigarette," Remy mumbled making Sirius laugh.

"Me too honestly, we can smoke on the train."

"Moony's not going to like that."

"Moony's always annoyed with me Prongs, how would this be any different?"

James laughed and the three found their friends in a compartment towards the back of the train. Remy couldn't help but notice all of the people who kept looking at them as they walked. As soon as the group would pass by people could be heard talking in hushed whispers.

"Merlin, I've never thought I'd be so happy to be alone with you guys."

"Was it really that bad Remy?"

"I feel like the whole world is staring at me Remus."

"Well that is a bit to do with the fact that you were walking with these two tossers. Girls are always staring and them, but with Sirius' disownment starting to get out I can imagine things have only gotten worse. Unfortunately for you them walking around with a new girl is just going to add more fuel for the Hogwarts' gossip."

"But how does everyone know about Sirius?"

"Well that would probably be due to my lovely Mum and Dad. They will have surely started singing it from the rooftops by now. It will have spread through all of the old pureblood families quickly and then trickled down to everyone else."

"You alright?" Remy asked quietly when she saw the sadness in his eyes as she leaned over to light his cigarette.

"I'll live love. You going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll live."

They shared a small smile before returning to the debate that James and Remus were having about Lily Evans. Remy had learned a lot about this girl from living with James and Sirius. James talked about Lily constantly, but Sirius was not overly impressed with her.

"Hey Remus, I was wondering if you wanted to walk to the prefects meeting together."

"Sure Lily, just let me grab my bag."

"Hey Lily, how was your summer?"

"Great Potter, maybe if you'd leave me alone everyday could be like summer."

James looked hurt, but didn't say anything else. Lily did seem to really hate him the way Sirius had said. It took a moment for Lily to notice Remy, but when she did she stared at her for a little while.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm Lily Evans. You must be Remy Banks. Remus told me about your situation and I'm so sorry about everything that's happened. If you would like some company aside for these gits my friends and I have a compartment together."

"Thanks, but these gits are actually pretty decent to be around. I appreciate your sympathy at my 'situation'," Remy said coldly.

"I didn't mean to be rude. I just-"

"Have no idea what you're talking about? Yeah, that's alright though. Most people have a hard time with that."

"I'll just wait for you outside Remus," Lily muttered glaring at Remy.

"Damn Rem, that was intense."

"Sorry guys, I just hate the sympathy bit."

"I shouldn't have told her about everything. It's my fault Remy."

"No Remus, it's alright. I just hated the way she was talking to you guys. I shouldn't have snapped at her like that, but the sympathy just came across so fake. And she didn't make any efforts to console Sirius, a person she actually knows."

"She means well Remy. She probably doesn't know about Sirius. Lily can be a bit stuck in her ideas about how terrible he and James are."

"To be fair they have been fairly terrible to her for the last five years, you just missed out on them at their douchiest."

That earned Peter a smack from Sirius but they both laughed. Remy supposed they boys did tell some awful stories of how they'd behaved previous years. She was more biased having only known them a few weeks.

The rest of the train ride was fairly uneventful. They stayed in the compartment mostly playing games and telling Remy how important it was she was sorted into Gryffindor. Sirius threatened that they wouldn't speak to her anymore if she was placed in another house, but Remus scolded him for that and assure her they would stay friends.

"Alright Remy, you can some up to the castle with us in the horseless carriages. I don't think the staff will mind if you skip out on riding in the boats with the firsties."

"Do you mean the carriages drawn by the strange horses?"

The boys all looked at her in confusion and Remy didn't understand. She could see the old scaly winged horses easily. When she kept pointing to the carriages Remus finally understood.

"You saw them die didn't you?"

"What?"

"Your parents, did you see them die?"

"Yes," Remy answered softly no longer meeting anyone's gaze.

"The carriages are actually drawn by thestrals guys. I remember reading that somewhere, but never really thought about it. You can only see a thestral if you've seen someone die."

Remy could feel the boys all looking at here and she suddenly felt very embarrassed. The images of that night started to play over again in her head as she silently got into the carriage.

"Would you rather walk?" James said suddenly drawing her back to reality.

"Or we could fly." Sirius said with a twinkle in his eye.

The five of them mounted three broomsticks. Remy shared with Sirius and Peter and Remus rode on his. As the castle came into view Remy was certainly impressed. The boys had described it to her and she'd read about it, but seeing it was entirely different.

"Feeling better?" Sirius asked seeing her body relax as they took to the air.

"Flying always makes me feel better."

"I know," Remy turned to give him a quizzical look before Sirius continued. "The first time I ever really saw you relax was when we played quidditch. You'd been there over a week and I hadn't seen you ever really be at ease until then. Not that I can blame you, I was horrible to be around after I was thrown out."

Remy smiled to herself thinking back on the memory. She never pegged Sirius as the perceptive type. Flying did make her feel better. When she was up in the air it was like all of her problems on the ground couldn't quite reach her anymore.

When they reached the castle the boys split from Remy. They went into the Great Hall and Remy was left standing in the Entrance Hall with a rather stern looking professor. They stood in silence waiting for the first years to arrive. Once they did arrive the group was full of questions, none of which Remy could answer. When she explained she was a transfer student they had even more questions about America. Luckily the sorting began soon after that and everyone grew quiet and focused on the ceremony.

Remy had to go after all of the first years and that meant a long and awkward wait. This time she was sure everyone was staring and whispering about her because the boys weren't around. When her turn finally came the hat stayed silent for a very long time.

"Well dear, I'm sorry we've come to meet under these circumstances, but I think you will do well here at Hogwarts. And I can tell you've got your heart set on Gryffindor," the Gryffindor had been cried our loud enough for everyone to hear. "Consider it my welcoming gift to you."

When the hat was removed the cheering from the Gryffindor table was even louder. There were red and gold fireworks going off above the table that Remy knew it could only be the boys doing. She smiled shyly as she went to sit with he new housemates.

The feast passed in a blur and soon Remy found herself in the Gryffindor common room. She realized she should have paid more attention on how to get there, but was still having a hard time taking it all in. Lily offered to show her up to the girls' dorms and she hesitantly agreed.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for offending you. I forget something that people do really like the Marauders."

"Who?"

"That's what everyone calls the boys or what they call themselves, I'm not sure which came first. I just hope you know that I am genuinely sorry for your loss. Remus only told me so you wouldn't have to explain yourself to the girls when you got here."

"So everyone knows?"

"Well they probably will soon. I told the other girls in our dorm to not bring it up, but some of them tend to get caught up in gossip."

"That's alright I suppose. It was bound to come out eventually. Just try not to be too nice to me. I am really trying to just feel normal."

"I'll work on that."

"And you are wrong about the boys. They are good people, especially James and Sirius. They've spent these last few weeks trying to bring me back to some kind of normal."

Lily just nodded and didn't respond. She led Remy up to the girls' dorm and showed her around. The other girls all seemed nice, but Remy wasn't really in the mood to chat. She quickly slipped into her pajamas and pulled the curtains closed around her. She spent hours lying there pretending to be asleep and dreading the possibility of another nightmare.


	5. Chapter 5

"So are we allowed to ask you about living with the Marauders?" Marlene asked the next morning at breakfast.

"I mean I think avoiding talking about it is stupid at this point. What do you want to know Marlene?"

"Did Sirius' parents really kick him out?"

"That happened before I got there, but yeah he lives with the Potter's."

"Do you know what happened?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm not going to spread that around though. Just know that it was bad and that his parents aren't good people. Try and be decent to him. He deserves that."

"You guys seem close," Alice asked casually.

"Yeah him and James were both really good to me. They tried really hard not to make me not dwell on it."

"I can see that. Those idiots have never been able to take anything seriously."

"It's not like that Lily. They were gentle and kind about everything. They gave me space when I needed it and didn't push me to do things, but they were always around when I needed them to be. James is really good at reading people. He could tell the difference between me saying no to doing something because I was nervous and saying no because I genuinely wasn't up for it. They'd push me to do things with them, but never too hard."

"I always pegged Remus to be the more perceptive one."

"What's Remus better at then us now?" Sirius asked laughing as the boys sat down next to us.

"Mary thinks Remus is the more perceptive one."

"Well that's hardly fair. I'm practically the most perceptive person I know."

"Pads you left the dorm with no shoes this morning."

"That's a perfectly reasonable mistake Prongs."

"You tried to leave the dorm without them on mate. If Remus hadn't said anything you would probably still be wandering about in your socks."

Sirius began to pout for a while until him and James began to argue about the potential benefits of a shoe-free lifestyle. It wasn't until then that Lyra noticed the girls had all become silent. Lily looked annoyed, but everyone else just seemed confused. They kept looking at the boys and then each other unsure what to do.

"You guys don't sit together do you?"

"What?" Asked a few members of the group.

"You guys don't sit as a group much do you?"

"That's not true. We sit with the girls plenty of times."

"Name one time you've sat with us Sirius that wasn't at lessons or some event where they sit us by house," Alice demanded

"Well Moony sits with you lot often enough. I don't see how it's so odd if the rest of us join in."

"That's why you're not the perceptive one Sirius."

My statement made the whole group laugh and continue with their breakfast more normally. It wasn't long before everyone had been given their timetables and was preparing for the first lessons of the year. Remy was looking over her timetable intently so she didn't notice the Hufflepuff boy calling her name.

"Hey Rem," Sirius said shaking her arm some. "A bloke keeps calling out for you and seems to be walking over here now."

"Who is it?"

"Looks like Richards."

Remy tried to think about any Richards that she knew before she looked up and saw the boy. Once they locked eyes the boy began to smile and Remy's face fell. The boy didn't seem to notice and continued to walk over to their table.

"Oh God, of all the places in England," Remy muttered standing up finally.

"Hey Remy, I thought that was you being sorted last night," the boy embraced Remy tightly. "I didn't want to interrupt you getting to know your new housemates. I know this has to be such a huge transition."

"Yeah, it's a big change."

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was about what happened. If you ever need to talk about it don't hesitate to ask."

"Very sweet of you."

"Maybe we could take a walk around tonight, if you're up for it? No pressure of course I won't want to rush you."

"Yeah, maybe. I'll see you later okay?"

"Of course, enjoy your breakfast. I'll see you in class."

He gave her another hug before he walked back to his own table and then Remy sat back down in silence. The whole group had gone quite and was clearly waiting for some kind of explanation.

"Alright Remy, I'm just going to say it. What the fuck was that?" Sirius finally asked

"His name is Brian-"

"Yeah we know who he is. But how do you?"

"So he's got an uncle who moved to America and their family lived just down the road from mine. Brian's family come to visit during the summer every year and that's how we met."

"Were you guys together?" Mary asked.

"Sort of, he was very convenient."

"Convenient?" James laughed. "Merlin you sound like Padfoot."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Come on mate you spent last term only shagging girls in our astronomy class because you won't have to come up with an excuse to be out together at night."

"It was a good plan!"

"Ignore them Remy and tell us about Richards."

"There's not much to tell. He's an alright guy. He's far to sappy for me, but he's only around for a few weeks a year so I can put up with it."

"So you just have like a standing agreement?"

"Mostly he comes to town during well timed spots in the summer. After trying to keep up a school fling has gotten to be too much and before it's worth it to try and start something that will carry over into the fall. He's pretty boring though. He's a very flowers and cuddles type guy, but at least its something."

"No wonder you like these gits," Lily muttered earning her a glare from Marlene.

"Flowers can be nice," Alice said hopefully.

"They're really rather stupid. I just hate the whole relationship ideology. I don't think people are well suited for it. It's much simpler to just sleep with whoever you want and not put labels on it."

"So you've never had a boyfriend."

"Not in the traditional since. Honestly Brian is probably the closest I've come to a proper boyfriend and he's exceedingly dull."

"But is he a decent shag?" Mary asked with a wink.

"I'd give him a seven," Remy said with a shrug.

"We do have two Padfoots."


	6. Chapter 6

"Herbology is a waste of my time," Sirius moaned as they were walking.

"It's a nice class! You get to go outside and enjoy the sun."

"Remy this isn't America. You may have noticed that it rains pretty much all of the time," Remus joked.

"The rain can be nice too. It makes everything smell all fresh and clean after the storm and just before it rains you can feel everything in the air change."

"This is why I don't get girls. They can make the rain into something fancy." James said.

"To be honest mate I think your problem with girls goes deeper than that."

Remy hit Sirius for that and everyone else laughed. Classes had been strange because some of the topics had been taught in a different order at Remy's old school. They had been able to take fast passed course in subjects they excelled at. She was leaps and bounds ahead of many others in transfigurations, charms, and herbology, but helpless lost in potions, history of magic, and astronomy.

There were also different electives here than at her old school. She was captivated by care of magical creatures, but she hated divinations. Sirius had talked her out of arithmacy, which she appreciated because the assignments looked terrible.

"Will you please partner with me Remy? I hate this class."

"I've already told you that Remus is going to be my partner."

"But that's not fair to me or James. It's not our fault Peter didn't make it to N.E.W.T level herbology. We should be able to split the smart kids."

"This is one of my favorite subjects guys. I saw how bad you are at potions."

"But you are in desperate need of an astronomy tutor and I happen to be brilliant at astronomy."

"Unfortunately that bit is true. He had to learn it as a child and he's the best of us at it," Remus added to her.

"Fine Sirius you can be my partner and James can have Remus."

This class was probably one of the dullest of her career. The short bubbly woman was nothing like the burly mountain man who had taught her previously. They had taken hikes through the mountains searching for rare plants and spent weeks camped out waiting for magical flowers to bloom. In this class it was just sitting and looking at different potted plants. Trying to keep Sirius out of trouble was one of the only things keeping her awake.

"Is every class like that?" Remy asked forlorn.

"Yeah, why?" Remus responded confused.

"We used to spend so much time outdoors and really experience nature. It was amazing and engaging. This sort of sucks."

"Fancy a walk then?" Sirius asked offering his arm.

Remy giggled and accepted. She laced her arm through James' and James grabbed Remus. Sirius took them to the edge of the forbidden forest where Remus called them to a halt.

"We can't go into the forest in the middle of the day. We are bound to get caught."

"Remus there is no one around to catch us. Everyone is up at the castle."

"You really should listen to Remus more often Sirius," A large burly man cried as he came out of the forest.

"Damn Hagrid, you can't let us have any fun," Sirius said with a pout.

"You and I both know there aren't enough teachers in this school to keep you lot out of trouble," Hagrid said with a bombing laugh.

"I don't believe we've met yet Sir, but I'm Remy Banks, transfer student."

"American, eh? Well perhaps you can help me keep this lot in line."

"It was her idea to go to the forest to begin with Hagrid. She thought Herbology was too boring and wanted to really experience nature."

Remy looks annoyed at Sirius until she saw Hagrid light up with a smile. She already liked this man immensely after their short interactions.

"A lass after my own heart. I do suppose we have time for a short stroll through the forest. Just don't go running off into here by yourself. These woods are forbidden for a reason."

Remy could hardly contain her delight as she took off into the woods after Hagrid. The boys all looked at each other in dismay, but followed. They should have known better then to introduce Remy to Hagrid. She was bound to spend far too much of her time with him from now on.

"So Ms. Banks how are you finding the school?"

"It really is wonderful. I just wish we could spend more time outdoors with nature. There is so much useful magic to learn that way."

Hagrid seemed thrilled with this response and the two of them were lost in conversation for the rest of their trip. It wasn't until Remus had checked his watch and realized how late it had gotten that they were able to drag her way. She gave Hagrid a warm hug, which made the giant man blush a bit before heading off after the boys.

"Merlin Rem, I think we've found your soulmate," Sirius teased.

"I happen to think he is the most wonderful person I've met here. He reminds me a lot of Liam, my old Herbology instructor. My school focused a lot more on the natural side of magic. All of the electives I took there were about nature based magic and how to work with your surrounding to enhance your magic."

"Rubbish," James coughed.

"I've actually read a bit about that. There are some changing teaching styles over there that try and get students to understand magic very differently. America is full of all kinds of different magic plants and creatures then Europe."

"I wanted to work in magic land protection after I graduated. Try and protect more magical forests and areas for magic wildlife to thrive."

"You were a hippy back home weren't you? I bet if we went through your trunk we'd find all sorts of folk music and protest shirts."

"Some of us want to fight for what we believe in Sirius, especially if we are helping creatures that can't fight for themselves."

"Sorry Remy, I didn't mean anything by it," Sirius wouldn't meet her eyes.

This took James and Remus by surprise. Sirius was hard to be around sometimes because he didn't get when he was hurtful. He almost never apologized when he hurt someone's feelings, but he looked scared to have hurt Remy. The two boys walked away to give Sirius and Remy some space.

"Haven't you ever cared about something that much?"

"That's why I left home. I couldn't be around that pureblood bullshit anymore. I was worse then everything else they did to me."

She looked over to Sirius and took his hand. He finally looked up at her and she could see the pain in his eyes. Remy grabbed him and pulled him into a tight hug.

"I didn't realize Sirius, I'm sorry. They must have hated your friends."

"Yeah, my best mates and two half-bloods and a blood traitor. It all just slowly got worse after I was sorted into Gryffindor. They've brainwashed my brother and I just had to get out of there."

"That's how Derek was. He dropped out during his sixth year and took off. I though he was abandoning me until he snuck in one night and took me away with him. It was the best summer I've ever had. I'd run off with him, but my dad always found me drug me back home. The only reason Der was there that night was because my birthday was the next day. He had come to sneak me out that night when our dad caught us."

"So that first day with us was your birthday?"

"Yeah, not the worst one I've had," Remy said with a sad laugh.

"We owe you a Marauder's birthday bash."

"Sirius-"

"Not a chance you're getting out of this one Rem," Sirius said with a wink.


	7. Chapter 7

"So I saw the flier for quidditch tryouts."

"You sure you want to tryout? We take quidditch very seriously here. I run intense practices and we will win the quidditch cup."

"I'm a good keeper James. I'd bring a lot to your team."

"I won't stop you from coming out. Just know tryouts are tough and its rough playing quidditch as a girl. The guys will go harder on you to try and get you to quit."

"I'm a tough girl James. I was the only girl on my team at home."

"Girls don't usually play keeper Remy. You're going to get smacked around a lot."

"I know James, I've played before. I know it won't be easy, but I really want to try."

"I think she can do it," Remus said not even looking up from his book.

"I can help you out a bit if you want," Sirius offered.

This caused him and James to fight about the morality of offering quidditch assistance to one perspective member, but not the others. Sirius didn't care about if the whole thing was moral or not, but Remy declined his help anyway. She would feel better doing in on her own.

Remy spent the next day nervously awaiting tryouts. She ran over plays in here head and spent much of the evening polishing her broom. The girls tried to reassure her and they all came down to watch tryouts with her the next morning.

"We'll be here to cheer for you Remy. And we promise to yell at the boys if they're mean."

"Thanks Mary, you seem so fierce."

"We've got Lily and we all know that's scary."

Lily punch at Mary and she ran away with a squeak. They play fought the whole way down and anytime Lily turned to the girls they'd all run away and play terrified. They caused quite a scene when they made it to the pitch still running around and laughing.

"Ladies please take your seats. We are sure to put on quite a show for you," Sirius said with a wink.

Lily and Marlene simultaneously flipped him off and then high-fived. They took their seats and Remy went to stand with the other contenders. This seemed to shock some of the guys that were standing there. She heard a few rude jokes behind the older boys, but she ignored them.

James sent everyone to the sky for a few flying drills. He flew around and cut nearly half of the group quickly. Then he split the group up based on the positions they were trying out for. There were only five people trying out for keeper, most of the group went to go try for chaser. Sirius and James both took to the sky to watch the drills they had everyone doing. They kept making calls to cut the groups down.

Keeper came down to Remy and an arrogant looking fifth year. They went to the different goal posts and started blocking shots form the chaser contenders. Most of the chasers were not very good, but a few really stood out to Remy. She had to play pretty hard to block goals, but didn't let anything through. When they came back down to the ground Remy was panting and sweaty, but she was happy. Sirius couldn't help but smile because he was so proud of her.

"For the chaser spot I'm going to go with Mitchel."

The fourth year smiled proudly, but he didn't react. The kid had been really good and Remy agreed with the call.

"Keeper was a close call, but I'm going to have to give it to Banks."

Remy was not as well collected as Mitchel and she jumped up and down a bit before she calmed herself. The team laughed a little, but congratulated her.

"You surprised me. You actually are a decent keeper," the fifth year congratulated her.

"Good job love," Sirius said coming to pull her into a tight hug.

"You did it!" Marlene yelled running down the belchers and nearly knocking her over with the force of her hug.

Soon Alice, Mary and Lily were added to the mix and Remy was crushed between giggling excited girls. Lily was so pleased because of the great feminist step it was having more and more girls play quidditch, which Mary kept teasing her for. Once they all stepped away most of the others had cleared out.

"You really did to an amazing job Remy," James said as he finally let himself hug her.

Sirius and James spent the next few hours introducing Remy to the team. The pride coming off of both of them was immense. Remy liked her teammates immediately and couldn't wait to get started with practices.

"See now we have even more reason to throw the party," Sirius said as they finally broke apart for the night.


	8. Chapter 8

"So I hear you're having a party?" Alice asked when she found Remy sitting in the common room.

"The boys found out they missed my birthday and insisted. They won't let me up in their dorm and they keep running in and out of here like crazy people."

"You should be excited Remy. Marauder parties are legendary," Mary said joining the group and bringing the rest of the girls.

"I don't see why you fawn over them so much. They are just people."

"But you have to admit that their parties are fun, Lil. We had a blast at the Halloween party last year."

"Alice does have a point. You were even nice to the boys that night."

"Didn't you snog Sirius that night Marls?"

"Oh Merlin I forgot about that! You had such a crush on him after that. Everything was about how great his hair was and how wonderful his eyes were."

Marlene blushed and hit Mary. The rest of us laughed as Mary continued to impersonate Marlene.

"Like you lot were any better. Do you remember the fight Alice and Lily got in during fourth year about Remus?"

"I wouldn't talk to you for weeks! I was so sure that you were trying to ruin our relationship that didn't exist."

Remy laughed as the girls went on about the crushes they have had on the boys throughout the years. She'd never had very close female friends before and had missed out on all these conversations.

"What about you Remy? Did you fall for any of the boys?"

"I'd probably give Remus a go. He got that dark sexy thing going. Or maybe I'd go for James with his golden boy thing. I mean they're my friends so I wouldn't do anything about it."

"Who'd make the best boyfriend?"

"James hands down. He actually listens to you when you talk and he gives good hugs."

"See Lily, good hugs and a boy who listens. It could all be yours," Alice said with a wink.

"He's so arrogant though. I couldn't handle looking at that stupid smirk."

"But you would get to see his body, which is worth it Lily. The bathroom was across the hall from my room so I got a lot of quality time with those boys in their towels."

The girls all giggled and then she heard James' laugh and blushed bright red.

"Wow Rem, I guess that's why you always kept your door open? Padfoot will be disappointed he didn't make the hot boy list. You looking for a date to your party tonight Remy? Because I know this guy who give great hugs and have an amazing body," James said with a wink.

"You're never going to let this go are you?"

"Never, in fact I think I'm going to have a chat with Mr. Dark and Sexy. He will love to hear about this. I do think you may break young Mr. Black's heart though."

"I did say he had a nice body too. You can let him have that. Tell him his hair is wonderful too. Marlene was going on about it for a while."

Marlene blushed and threw a pillow at me. This started in a full pillow war between the two of us that soon involved much of the common room. Many people ended up wandering down from the dorms to join in the fight.

"I hear you miss seeing me come out of the shower?" Sirius whispered seductively in her ear.

"Did James also tell you I think he'd make the best boyfriend?"

"You hurt me love. I thought we had something special," Sirius asked faking hurt.

"I picked Remus as the sexiest."

Sirius mock fainted and made Remy laugh. The boys seemed to have set to work enchanting things while the common room had filled up with people. Music soon started and everyone noticed the bar and dance floor that had been set up.

"Can your third choice marauder grab you a drink?"

"I guess if no one better is around," Remy trailed off with a laugh.

Sirius came back with two large firewhiskies on the rocks. The two of them drank together for a while before they started dancing. The music was mostly muggle bands, which Remy knew was Sirius' influence. When the song changed Remy felt a tap on her shoulder and she turned to find James with a wide smile.

"Mind if I cut in Pads?"

"No, I supposed she'd rather have the best Marauder anyway," Sirius said with a laugh as he wondered off to find a girl.

The next song was slow and James looked a little nervous. He ruffled his hair and made Remy laugh. James did not have the same natural ease and charm that Sirius had with girls. He would flirt and tease, but got nervous when a girl responded.

"Do you still want to dance James?" Remy asked wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Is this okay?" James asked wrapping his arms around her waist.

"Do I make you nervous?"

"I just never thought we'd be doing this."

"Dancing?"

"You just opened up a lot Rem. I remember the way you reacted to my mum's hugs. Now you're throwing your arms around me."

"You guys have done a lot for me. I don't know if I could have gotten through it so well without you."

"You've been really good for him you know."

"What?" Remy asked looking up confused.

"Don't play dumb Rem. You have to see that he's different around you. Sirius apologized to you for something that didn't really even matter. I've never seem him apologize since I've met him. He talks to you about what it was like with his parents. He never shuts down with you."

"He's good for me too. Having someone who's been through it helps more then everyone's empathy. I know he needs it too because at least I had Derek to go through everything with. Having you helps him so much, but it's not the same as having someone who's been there."

"Just look after him Remy. He needs this."

With that James kissed her cheek and walked his way through the crowd. Remy wondered around for a while until she saw Sirius. He spotted her and smiled widely ushering her over.

"You interested in taking a walk Mr. Black?"

"The pleasure would be all mine Ms. Banks."

Sirius grabbed a bottle from the bar and offered Remy his arm as they went wondering down the halls. Walking with the boys was always fun because they were just accustomed to using short cuts and secret passages. Remy was always quickly lost, but she enjoyed it.

"This my dear girl is the Room of Requirement. It is a well-kept secret here at Hogwarts, so please don't tell the lads that I brought you here. Just walk past this spot in the wall three times and picture what you want the room to look like and that's what it will become."

Remy smiled and thought to herself for a moment before she began pacing. When they opened the door they found a perfectly cozy room the looked like it was built for intimate conversation. There was a fire smoldering in the fireplace and a cozy loveseat facing the fire. There were pillows and blankets scattered across the floor.

"Well done Remy. I take it you want to talk?"

"Yeah James said something to me while we were dancing that I want your side on."

"Alright," Sirius said taking a seat on the loveseat and pulling out the bottle of firewhiskey from his jacket. He took a long swig and then offered it to me. "Want some?"

"Sure," Remy took a deep swig and handed it back. "Do you have a cigarette?"

Sirius smiled and pulled out his case. He handed her one and lite them both. They sat in silence for a while passing the bottle back and forth and smoking. There was an awkwardness between them while they sat there. Neither of them was sure what to say to make it better.

"James says you don't talk to him about your family stuff."

"I do about some parts and I don't about others. I love Prongs like a brother, but there is just some stuff he doesn't need to know."

"But you'll talk to me?"

"Remy you have to know it's different with you. Most of the time I don't even tell you stuff it's just a look or a grimace and you understand. James can tell when I'm upset, but it's one thing for him to know I hate hugging his parents because mine would only hug me after they'd gone to far on punishing me and to know exactly what that experience was like."

"He wants to help you heal. He can help you in different ways Sirius. If you tell him things he can try to understand. He's your biggest supporter."

"This isn't all just because you think he'd fit?"

"I obviously need to get laid because starting to find you lot attractive is a dangerous slope."

"I've seen you turn down three guys trying to dance with you and that was just tonight. What's your deal?"

"I hate taking my clothes of now," Remy said awkwardly.

"Why?"

"I've always had some scars, but I have a few huge ones now. I don't like the idea of taking my shirt of in front of people anymore."

"Let me see."

"You'd like that too much."

Sirius just smirked and took his shirt off. Once he had done that his face fell slightly for just a second. Remy gave him a questioning look that he didn't react to for a minute. Finally Sirius took a deep breath and grabbed her hand.

"This little one here is the oldest one I have. It's my first memory. Mother was throwing plates and silverware at me because I had spilled juice all over the carpet. A fork got stuck right here," Sirius said pointing out the small scar just below his collarbone. "This big one across my chest was the one I came to the Potters' with. There are a few along my back that are like it. There was a spell my mother was fond of that let her create a whip from the end of her wand. She couldn't use it as often as the torture spells that don't leave scars, but she loved when she got the chance."

"These huge ones across my chest are from that night," Remy said taking her shirt off. "He didn't have to worry about leaving marks so he just started shredding me. The ones on my back are older and smaller so I could play them off more casually, but these are obviously not small accidents."

They spent hours like that going over all the scars that had been inflicted on them. Talking proudly of the ones that had come from other places, but softly about the ones that stirred up the worst memories. They got drunker and braver as the night went on and started telling each other things they'd promised never to tell anyone. Eventually Remy fell asleep on Sirius' chest and he pulled a blanket over both of them for the night.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Hey guys, I hope you are enjoying this so far. I hope to updating more regularly and would love your feedback. Thanks :D**

"James Potter get out of your bed right now!" Lily shouted throwing open James' bed curtains and waking up all of the boys.

"What the fuck Lily?"

"Remy is missing!"

"What?"

"She never came back to the dorm last night!"

"Well she's not in my bed Evans!"

"Lils, Sirius isn't in his bed either," Alice said after she'd opened his curtains.

"What did you do?" Lily started yelling a James while she hit him with his pillow.

"Merlin Evans, calm down! Padfoot hardly ever sleeps here. He probably met a girl last night and went off somewhere for a shag."

"He left the party with Remy last night," Mary said softly.

This got James' attention. He quickly got up and threw on some clothes and took off. Lily was quick to follow him as he stormed out of the common room and through the castle. James was careful to take a variety of shortcuts that left Lily lost in a different part of the castle. He knew having her with him would only make this worse. James came to the Room of Requirement and stopped. This is where Sirius always brought girls to spend the night.

When he opened the door James couldn't help but smile a little. Remy was asleep on Sirius' chest. Sirius had his arms wrapped around her and his chin was resting on the top of her head. They both looked peaceful, something James had never seen from them before. It was just then that Lily caught up with James and the whole scene was ruined.

"I can't believe you'd let this happen!" Lily shouted shoving James.

"What's going on?" Remy asked sleepily sitting up.

"Where are your clothes Remy?" Lily asked sadly.

This made Remy finally look down and realize she was topless. Sirius quickly wrapped her in the blanket they were sharing and stood up to go grab both of their shirts. Remy blushed furiously when more of her friends continued to arrive.

"You see that she's fine Evans, now can you please leave."

"Are you serious right now Potter?"

"Evans frankly this is none of your fucking business. This is about my family. So please get out before I have to make you leave," James said harshly shocking everyone.

Lily began to cry and quickly ran out of the room. James looked frustrated, but didn't go after her. Everyone else cleared out after that. Remus stayed latest and put a hand on James shoulder before he left. Sirius and Remy made themselves decent before James sat down with them.

"You alright mate?" Sirius asked.

"She just gets to me sometimes. Today she was freaking out because she couldn't find Remy and she wouldn't just let me deal with it."

"I'm sorry James. We got really drunk last night and feel asleep here."

"I know its none of my business, but are you two together?"

"Come on Prongs, you can't think we'd keep that from you."

"I mean you can't entirely blame him Sirius. I think most people would assume that we'd been fooling around when they walked in on us like that."

"Stuff just got really intense last night and we were hammered. Don't worry Prongsie."

James gave Sirius a confused look, but got up and started walking back to the common room. He went slowly allowing Sirius and Remy to talk just behind him, but never interrupting or interjecting.

"I shouldn't have let us fall asleep."

"Why do you say that Sirius?"

"It's caused a huge mess with Evans and Prongs and I know it's going to just create a bunch of grief between you and her too."

"Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, some of the best sleep I've gotten in a while."

"Me too, I didn't dream at all."

"I mean sleeping next to people always helps me. I'm sure the guys would let you stay in our dorm sometimes."

"Pads that would require an official Marauder ruling."

"Then I would like to call an emergency meeting."

Remy was very confused by the boys' sudden discussion of the Marauder Code, but tried to keep up as they started to run back to the common room. They were both yelling and talking over each other. Both of them were completely ignoring Remy's questions.

"Emergency Marauder meeting!" James yelled as they reached the boys dorm.

Peter sat down his homework and excitedly ran over to help the boys pull things out of their trunks. Remus seemed less amused, but slowly got up and began to help. The boys set up a peculiar tent with a table and chairs in the middle. The walls of the tent were covered in various papers listing rules and prank plans. There were also old pictures of the boys as they were growing up. Remy enjoyed walking around and seeing their hideout.

"Am I allowed to be here?" Remy asked after seeing a very large no girls allowed sign.

"Motions have already passed to allow you as an exception. But you can be removed from a meeting if an official Marauder objects to your presence and are not allowed to vote on official Marauder business," James said simply.

"We even made you a chair," Peter said proudly showing her to the spot between James and Sirius.

"The meeting can now come to order," James said hitting his gavel.

Remus took out a notebook and began to record what was happening. Sirius pulled out a different book and began to read some of the old business they had not yet solved. Remy tried very hard not to laugh at how seriously the boys were taking this.

"Now the reason for this meeting was because Remy would like to start sleeping up here with us. She gets the same nightmares as Padfoot and sleeping next to someone helps her. She'd stay with me or Padfoot most of the time, but she may also stay with Moony or Wormtail if they consent."

"Would she move here instead of the girls' dorm or would she just stay here at night?"

"If I may, that's up to you guys. It would be easier if I could just move up here because I spend so much of free time with you guys anyway, but I get that it might make you uncomfortable."

"Would we have to wear pants and shirts all the time?"

"I grew up with a brother Peter. I'm used to the way boys are."

"This doesn't mean you lot are going to start bringing girls up to shag again are you?"

"No Moony, this would not conflict with Marauder ruling 74. Though will change the girls in the shower addendum."

"Can we still shower here?"

This comment from Peter made everyone laugh. They devolved into making jokes about the things they could and could not do around Remy. There was a serious debate about if Sirius could still sleep naked. He insisted that it was vital to his survival, but the boys were happy to support Remy's veto.

That night they had moved Remy's trunk upstairs and the boys had all been fascinated by the amount of bath products she owned. Sirius and James had given up a section of their wardrobes for Remy's things and they had stored her trunk under James' bed. Sirius left them to go meet a girl so that left Remy to sleep with James tonight.

"Alright, can we talk about this?" Remy said as her and James sat down on his bed after Remus and Peter had gone to bed.

"Yeah, we probably should. Let's start with easy stuff. What do you wear to bed?"

Remy smiled at this easy question and got up and changed. She came back wearing an oversized t-shirt and suddenly stopped in front of James blushing. It hadn't occurred to her to bring shorts with her to change and she was no longer wearing a bra.

"Is this okay? I can put more on if you want."

"No, you look great," James stammered.

"You sleep in just your boxers?" Remy asked observing the nearly naked boy in front of her. "This is going to be awkward no matter what, isn't it?"

"I've never had a girl up here before."

"Have you ever been with a girl?"

"Of course I have."

"James?"

"I've snogged plenty of girls, but I've never been able to shag anyone. I've gotten close a few times, but I always end up thinking about Lily."

"That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard," Remy said sitting beside James taking his hand.

"Don't spread it around. The lads all know, but I'd rather not be the school virgin."

"I can sleep in Sirius' bed if that would make this more comfortable for you."

"No, I promised I'd do this for you. If Padfoot could keep it in his pants for a minute we wouldn't have this problem."

"I don't blame him. I was like that for a long time. I lost my virginity young and would shag anyone that offered. It makes you feel loved for a minute and when you've got a messed up idea about what love is you'll take what you can get."

"You know you've got family now right Rem?"

Remy hugged James closely. He was shocked for a moment when she started to cry. He pulled her close like he had that first week and cradled her against his chest. Remy cried and laughed until she fell asleep that way cradled against James' chest.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm sorry I've been an absentee writer lately, but I hope to update more soon.**

Remy had been living with the boys for a few weeks now and things had been getting better for her at Hogwarts. She had started hanging out with the girls more, which the boys thought was good for her. But as she walked down for breakfast Thursday morning the mood in the castle seemed to have shifted. Remus was talking to her about Herbology, but that seemed to be the only sound as they entered the Great Hall. It took Remus a second to notice, but then he too was silent. Everyone was staring at them and they would start whispering as they passed.

"What the hell is going on?" Remy asked Remus.

"I don't know. I've never seen the whole place go quite like this before.

Their questions were quickly answered when they sat down. The tables were covered in American Ministry of Magic crime reports. Remy pulled it off the table immediately knowing what it was. The one she ripped off was immediately replaced. She tried ripping up more and more, but they just kept coming back. Remus tried to pull her back but she couldn't be stopped. She kept ripping and ripping, but nothing worked.

"Remy stop, it's not working. Just stop."

"What's the meaning of this?" Professor McGonagall asked coming up to them. Remus handed her one of the reports and her face fell. "Everyone out of the Great Hall! Return to your dormitories until further notice."

Remy didn't move. She just sat there and stared at all the graphic details of what her father had done to them. There were pictures of showing the injuries she'd sustained along with her brother. She kept looking at the mangled remains of her mother. Remus and McGonall kept trying to say something to her but she couldn't hear them.

"What the fuck is going on?" Sirius asked as he and James found them.

James handed Sirius one of the reports and he didn't say anything just picked Remy up and walked out. Remus and James followed trying to talk to both of them. Remy started to scream uncontrollably as they walked back to Gryffindor Tower. It was a horrible sound that none of them had ever heard before. They shoved past everyone and went straight to their dorm. Remy finally stopped screaming but was just starring straight ahead.

"I'm going to kill them," Sirius said standing and pacing.

"It was those Slytherin bastards. Well make them pay Pads."

The was a knock on the door but everyone ignored it. No one was willing to let anyone else into this right now. Remy had started to cry and was laying across Sirius' bed staring straight up.

"Guys please let us in. We heard what happened. How is she?"

"How the fuck do you think she is Evans? We don't need you trying to come braid her hair," Sirius snarled.

"Let them in," Remy said softly.

The boys all looked at her, but she didn't say anything else. James went and unlocked the door and let the girls in. Lily and Alice sat on either side of Remy and held her hands. Marlene and Mary started unpacking their bags.

"What could you possible have brought to make this better?" Sirius asked.

"First of all Black, cut the shit. We brought something that always helps," Marlene flashed an assortment of booze.

"Giving me a bottle," Remy said.

Remy finally sat up and started chugging a bottle of firewhiskey. They let her go for a while, but then it didn't look like she was going to stop. Sirius grabbed the bottle from her.

"Stop it!"

"Don't pretend like you haven't done the same shit!"

"This isn't about me!"

"Then stay out of it Sirius! I didn't ask for your help."

"Fine drink yourself to death. That will fix it."

"Guys, calm down. Let's focus on getting back the creeps who did this," James said separating the two.

"Fine, but stay away from me," Remy sneered at Sirius.

Remy went back to drinking heavily. Sirius took a bottle for himself and was sulking in a corner. James and Remus kept whispering to Peter, who was writing things down furiously. The girls kept trying to chat to with Remy, but nothing really worked. Eventually McGonall knocked at the door.

"Mr. Black, Ms. Banks, kindly put the alcohol away," they followed her directions and everyone sat up to see what she had to say. "Me. Banks, I would like to apologize on behalf of all the staff for what has happened here today. We will find out who did this and they will be severely punished. Everyone has been given the rest of the week off. I know that children can be exceptionally cruel, but try not to forget that you are surrounded with loving companions. Know that if you need anything my door is open. Please be safe and look after each other."

McGonall left as quickly as she had come. Everyone feel quiet for a time, lost in their own thoughts. Sirius went back to drinking quickly, but Remy seemed to have lost interest in her bottle.

"Can we go for some air? I need a smoke," Remy said after a while.

The common room was quickly silenced as they made their way down the stairs. Sirius turned to James and started to sing and old wizard drinking song. James chimed in and so did Remus and Peter. The common room looked confused, but people started to return to their conversations. They kept up the song until everyone made it out.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Remy said softly taking Sirius' hand.

"It's alright, I was being a prat anyway. We're good?"

"Yeah, as long as you've got smokes for me to bum."

Sirius laughed and wrapped his arm around Remy, pulling her close. She looked up at him and smiled and he leaned down and kissed the top of her head. They had forgotten about the group they were with. The Marauders were used to how affectionate the pair was. Remy was affectionate with all of the boys, especially James and Sirius. But the girls were a bit shocked seeing the two of them. Sirius was never like this with any of the girls he dated.

"Are they always like that?" Lily whispered to Remus.

"Not always, but she's just like that. When they're in a rough spot they get like that."

Remy had grabbed James' arm and pulled him close. The three walked arms linked talking softly. Remus smiled at them glad they had found a little happiness today.


	11. Chapter 11

Going back to classes had been the worst part. Many people had heard about Remy's dead family, but now all the details were out there. People kept staring in all of her classes, so the Gryffindor sixth years were always around her now.

Remus had drug the boys and Remy down to the library to get some books for a few school projects. Remy and Remus had split from the group and were browsing the shelves for books. The two were working on potions project together. As the walked, the two chatted idly as they strolled among the shelves.

"Remus I have a question for you?"

"Alright, go ahead."

"I know it's personal and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. But I wanted to ask you about the full moon," Remy's voice had dropped to a low whisper.

"Remy I don't know what you've heard but-," Remus was cut off.

"Remus I know. No one told me, it's just very obvious to me. I've met other people like you. My brother, Derek, his girlfriend is like you."

"How long have you known?"

"Since shortly after I met you. I wasn't sure until after the first full moon here. I never said anything because I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"Merlin, alright. Well thanks for letting me know I suppose."

"It just didn't seem right to keep it from you."

"You look like hell Moony. What'd you say to him?" James asked coming on the pair

"She knows."

"Knows what?"

"I know about Remus."

"And you pick now, in the ruddy library to bring that up?"

"Why are you shouting mate? Are we trying to get kicked out?" Sirius asked bringing Peter in tow.

"Remy's trying to have chat about Remus' 'furry little problem' in the middle of the damn library!"

"You're shouting is not helpful James."

"Come off it Remy, you can't talk like this in the library."

"I was talking with Remus. You had nothing in this. If you guys would stop following me around everywhere then maybe we could have talked somewhere more private."

"Fine, we'll leave you be and let some Slytherin gits come jump you."

"As shocking as it might be Potter, I've been able to fight my own battles alone for 16 years. I don't need your protection," with that Remy stormed off wandering about the castle.

Remy started off with a few passageways that she knew well and then kept wandering deeper and deeper into the castle. Remy was soon lost, but refused to turn around. She was far to upset to admit defeat and found herself in the dungeons. As soon as Remy recognized where she was she started to panic. She heard footsteps and voices and jumped behind a tapestry.

"How's your chats with Dumbledore going, Black?"

"The old bat has no clue. He can keep bothering us all he wants, but no ones going to roll over."

"The worst part is the guilt bit. The girl is a fucking slag. How are we meant to feel bad for exposing that?"

"They try and play my brother against me. Don't they have any idea how much of a filthy blood traitor he is? What do I care about the whore him and those tossers shag?"

The conversation continued, but they had gone off too far for Remy to hear. She let out a slow breath that she'd been holding in. She made herself sit and collect herself for a minute before she came out. She knew she couldn't go after them right now, it was three to one and she was right outside their dorm. Once she was sure they were gone she slipped out from her hiding place.

Remy quickly made her way to a main staircase and ran up flight after flight to try and get back to her common room. She hoped that the boys would have returned by now. When she walked in the girls were sitting around the fire, working on essays or reading.

"What's wrong Remy?"

"They did it. Sirius' brother and two other Slytherins, did it."

"What Remy? What happened?"

"I got into a fight with James and was wondering around the castle. I got lost and I hid in this alcove. Regulus and two other Slytherins walked by and they were talking about me. They did it to fuck with the guys, I'm sure of it."

Remy had started to tear up while she was talking to the girls. Mary pulled her into a tight hug and the girls tried to comfort her. The Marauders enter and immediately spotted the girls on the floor.

"Fuck Rem, I'm sorry. I was being a prat."

"Jesus James, I'm not that upset about you. I heard some Slytherins talking when I wondered off from you guys and I just got upset."

"Who was it?"

"I didn't see anyone, I wasn't sure about who I heard."

"You're sure you don't know?" Sirius asked making her meet his eyes.

"Don't Sirius, please."

"I'll kill him," Sirius growled heading toward the door.

"James grab him!"

James grabbed Sirius quickly, but Sirius struggled. Remus got up and grabbed ahold of Sirius and the two boys started pulling him up the stairs. Sirius gave up and let them lead him up to the dorm. The girls and Peter followed after them and Remy locked the door after they were all inside.

"What the fuck was that Pads?"

"It's Regulus, he did this to Remy."

"Who else was there Remy?" James asked.

"I'm not sure. I didn't see anyone I just heard them. Maybe Snape, but I'm not sure."

"I swear they're dead," Sirius said getting up and stomping around.

"Calm down Black. You can't just fight this away."

"Why the fuck is Evans always in my dorm?"

"Don't yell at Lily, Sirius."

"Don't you start too Rem. I'm shocked you didn't start something when you heard them."

"I'm smarting then to take on three guys right outside their common room. No matter what the idiots say."

"What did they say about you Remy?" James asked standing up.

"Just shit about me screwing you guys."

"Fuck those bastards. We will kill them," James said standing up with Sirius to go to the door.


	12. Chapter 12

The first quidditch match for Gryffindor had finally arrived. They were set to take on Ravenclaw and the energy in the locker room was high. The Ravenclaw team was young, but they all had good promise. Everyone was milling around focused on their own pregame rituals. Remy was stretching away from everyone. Usually she would stretch out with the other girls on the team, but she was the only girl on the Gryffindor team. She took the time to gather her thoughts and run plays in her mind.

"Alright everyone to the center," James said standing on a bench in the middle of the locker room. "This team is young, but don't underestimate them. We still need to play them as hard as we would anyone else. Their seeker is a 7th year and she's good. We need to keep our eyes on her. We trust you Braxton. Don't let her intimidate you."

With that James steeped down and everyone grabbed their brooms. Remy started to really feel the game coming now. She was filled with so much energy it was hard for her to stand still. It seemed like hours until they were finally announced.

The first part of the game was a blur. Remy had blocked out all the noise of the crowd and the was focused on her job. The Ravenclaw chasers were very unpredictable. They were young and erratic, which made predicting their moves harder. Gryffindor was up 140-80 when the seekers suddenly spotted the snitch.

The two seekers were both in a dramatic dive. The Ravenclaw seeker had the edge on Braxton, until Sirius suddenly hit a bludger right in front of her. The Ravenclaw was spooked and pulled up suddenly. This was just the moment that Braxton needed to snatch the snitch.

"Braxton has the snitch! Gryffindor wins!" Remy heard the Peters, the announcer, and the crowd at last.

James flew up to Remy and she leapt onto his broom. This was an old move of Remy's, but James was shocked. He grabbed onto her and she laughed hugging him tight.

"Ah, post game romance. Potter you lucky bastard," Petters voice can be heard over the crowd. "Give us a kiss you two."

James had gone wide-eyed looking at Remy. She smiled easily and kissed his cheek calming him down. Petters' mic had been confiscated so the two escaped further taunting.

The mood in the locker room was celebratory. Everyone was jumping around crazily. James was already going on about the party back in the common room. Remy hung around for a while and then decided to grab a shower. She stood under the water until all of her muscles began to relax. When she was finally done she found Sirius waiting for her.

"Thanks for waiting up."

"No problem, it saves me from the grunt work of the party."

"Poor Peter always gets stuck doing the shit jobs."

"I think he likes it."

"Why'd you really wait?"

"I wanted to talk to you about Prongs."

"Okay, what's up?"

"How long have you guys been together?"

"What? Sirius, I'm not with James."

"So you just fancy him?"

"Is this about what happened after the game? James and I are just friends. I was excited we'd won. It's a thing I've always done."

"So you don't fancy him."

"No, I'm attracted to him, but that's different."

"How?"

"Jesus Christ Sirius, I'm not talking about this anymore," with that Remy stormed off towards the castle.

"Hey Remy, the girls were looking for you," James said when she arrived in the common room.

"It's probably just about clothes. I can't deal with that right now."

"You alright? You know we won right?"

"It's fucking Sirius. He thinks we're screwing."

"You and me?"

"Yeah, I don't know. I just need to drink."

Remy wondered off with a bottle of wine. She went off into the castle and found herself a quiet alcove. Remy drank heartily until she had killed the bottle. She started to relax then and decided to go back to the common room for the party.

The common room was packed. Remy was glad that she could blend into the crowd. She grabbed herself a larger firewhiskey and wandered on the edge of the party.

"Hey Banks."

"Hey there Walker," Remy said looking over at the 7th year beater.

"No Marauders tonight?"

"Nah, I'm flying solo tonight."

"Better odds for me," Walker said with a smirk.

"So are we just going to stand her all night or are you going to ask me to dance?"

Walker took the hint and led Remy onto the dance floor. The two of them spent the night tangled in each other's arms. They danced and drank.

"Do you want to get out of here?"

Remy just smiled and she let Walker lead her upstairs.


	13. Chapter 13

Remy was walking back from Herbology with Remus. They were chatting about the change of season and how chilly the walk to lessons was becoming.

"For Merlin's sake," Remus sighed as he looked up the path.

Sirius and James were up ahead and they didn't look happy. Suddenly Sirius had pinned Regulus up against the castle wall. Another Slytherin, that Remy didn't recognize, was beating on Sirius and James was fighting him off.

Remy had taken off running up the steps. When she reached the boys she kept trying talk to Sirius, but he wasn't listening to her. He had Regulus pinned up by his neck and Regulus' face was starting to change color. Remy just shoved Sirius with all the strength she had. He fell back and dropped Regulus to the ground.

Sirius' eyes darken and he lounged at Remy. She put her hands up to protect herself, but an attack never came. Sirius was sitting back on the ground a bruise growing across is jaw. James was standing there glaring and shaking out his hand.

"Alright everyone, that's enough. Move along now," Remus said trying to clear the crowd.

"Remy, are you alright?" Walker asked coming up to her after the crowd cleared.

"I don't see how this is any of your fucking concern Walker," Sirius growled rubbing his jaw.

"I'm fine, Sam. It was just a fight that got out of hand."

"Ah, so that's where you've been sleeping. Didn't know you'd just give it up for any half rate beater."

Walker lunged at Sirius but Remy stood between them. Sirius just looked at her and stormed off on the grounds.

Things became strained for a while. The boys weren't sure how to deal with Remy's new relationship. She spent little time with Sam, but he seemed to influence huge parts of her life. She slept in the boys dorm more often then not, but every night she spent with Sam seemed to drive them further apart.

"Hey, do you have a minute?" Remy asked Sirius after quidditch practice.

"I was hoping to grab a shower. Can it wait?"

"Come on Sirius. I just want to talk to you."

"Fine, talk."

"I don't see why you're being like this. So I'm sleeping with Sam. You've slept with most of the girls at this school."

"But I don't ignore my mates. Those girls don't mean anything to me."

"And that makes it better? At least I can talk to Sam."

"Yeah, I'm sure between the shags you have loads of deep intellectual conversations."

"Go fuck yourself," Remy said and then she slapped him.

Sirius stood there looking shocked. She saw a glimmer of pain cross his face and almost apologized. Then Sirius' face turned cold and he shoved past her and stormed off to the castle.

When Remy finally drug herself up to the common room the boys wouldn't look at her. She had expected them to be cold, but not like this. She walked over to the girls and sat down trying to pretend things were fine.

The girls all noticed something was up when she went up with them to go to bed. Remy went straight to her old bed and pulled the curtains closed. She could hear the girls whispering as she put up her silencing charm. She fell asleep in tears for the first time in a long time.

"Can we ask you about what happened with the boys?" Marlene asked the next morning at breakfast.

"We're just having a fight. Don't worry about it."

Remy made similar statements for the next week. She believed them less and less as more time passed. Christmas break was coming fast and she wasn't sure where she'd go. She finally decided that she'd just stay at the castle. She lied to the girls and told them she'd be going home with James still, but she needed to tell James something. She knew that James' family would still expect her to come to their house.

"James, I know I fucked up. Can you please just tell your Mom I'm spending Christmas with my brother. She was really good to me and I don't want her to think I'm being rude."

"Alright, you know you could still come home if you wanted. Just talk to Sirius and patch things up."

"Don't worry about it. I'll be with Derek which is probably best for everyone now."

Remy felt pretty good about her plan. She just fucked up and forgot that Remus still hung out with Lily and Alice. She knew they'd figured it out when Sirius found her hiding out on the Astronomy tower.

"You didn't have to make some big cover story Remy. You can just go back to Prongs' place."

"No, I'll stay here. I think having time to myself will be good for me."

"Why does everything have to be a fight with you? Yeah, we aren't on great terms right now, but you're still on of my best mates. Swallow your fucking pride and spend Christmas with people who care about you."

"I don't think that's a good idea Sirius. I got too dependent on you guys. I forgot that I'm on my own."

Sirius looked so angry. He started pacing around the Astronomy tower mumbling to himself. Finally he came towards her and before she knew what was happening he kissed her.


	14. Chapter 14

All James knew was that things seemed better. As they boarded the train Remy and Sirius seemed happy together. Remy had started sleeping in their dorm again and Sirius had talked her into coming home for Christmas.

But James wasn't oblivious. The pair seemed very careful around each other. Sirius would wrap his arm around Remy and they'd share small looks or a smile. He'd see small brushes of their hands and noticed them looking off at each other.

The train ride was no different. The two sat close together and Remy eventually fell asleep on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius kept looking down at Remy and he'd gently brush stray hairs away as they fell into her eyes.

"You should wake her mate, we're almost at the station."

Once they exited the train everyone parted ways. Peter and Remus would join them in a week or two, but for now they were going home with their families. The remaining three made their way to Nora Potter.

"Oh, I missed you lot," Nora said pulling them all in for tight hugs. She led them all down the platform so they could side along apparate back to Potter Manor.

"Alright children, go get settled and then we can have tea and catch up."

"Can I just stay with you?" Remy asked Sirius as they made their way upstairs.

"Yeah, that'd be brilliant."

Remy wandered about Sirius' room looking at the pictures and posters that hung on the wall. There were tons of pictures with the boys together. They'd move about laughing and smiling together.

"You've kept all your practice jerseys?" Remy asked moving to Sirius' wardrobe.

"Yeah, I guess I'm sentimental about them. I made the team back in third year and I was so damn proud. You can see I grew a bit since then," Sirius said with a laugh.

Remy laughed at that knowing that even Sirius' smallest jersey would be too big for her. She slipped on one of Sirius' more recent jerseys on and it came down past her knees. She looked down and couldn't help but laugh.

"You look good in it," Sirius said coming over and wrapping his arms around her. She leaned back against him and relaxed. The two stood like that until a knock at the door broke them apart.

They spent the day talking happily with Nora. She enjoyed hearing their stories of the pranks the boys had pulled and the trouble they'd gotten into. She laughed and begged Remy to try and keep the boys in line.

Later that evening Remy climbed up onto the roof to have a smoke. She figured James was already up there since she couldn't find him anywhere else.

"You wearing his jumpers now?" James asked when he climbed up onto the roof.

"It's fucking cold out."

"I'm surprised you don't have him wrapped around you to stay warm."

"He's grabbing a shower."

"And you didn't join him?"

"Lay off James."

"Come off it Remy. You can't think that two of my best mates could start shagging and I wouldn't notice."

"We're not shagging. He kissed me on the Astronomy tower."

"That's it?"

"Yeah, I don't know. We haven't talked about it. I think we're both scared or at least I'm scared. Has he said anything to you?"

"He said some stuff after you'd slapped him, but not since then."

"What did he say?"

"Come on Remy, you know I can't tell you that. Just be careful with this."

Remy sat up on the roof smoking for a while longer. The cold finally became too much for her and she got down and went to bed.

"The girls want to come over," Remy said to the boys over breakfast one morning.

"Is Lily coming?" James asked.

"Yeah, the other girls talked her into it. They'll be over around noon. They might stay a few nights if that's good with you guys?"

"I'll owl Moons and Wormy. We could have the whole lot over."

Everyone seemed satisfied with the plans and went to get ready after breakfast. James went off to send out owls to the boys and his folks. Remy went up and drew a bath for herself. With everyone coming over she didn't figure she'd get much time to herself over the next few days.

"Remy?" Sirius asked tapping on the door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"Merlin Rem, you're naked!"

"What did you expect?"

"I don't know. Why'd you tell me to come in then?"

"Wait are you blushing? Come on Sirius you've seen me a lot less covered then this."

"This is different."

"How?"

"You know how Remy."

"If it would make you feel better you could join me."

Sirius looked at her for a minute and when she didn't back down he took his shirt off. He kept his eyes looked on hers as he kicked off his shoes and socks and then slid out of his jeans. He saw a blush creep over her face, but she continued to meet his eyes. He took a deep breath and tossed off his boxers and slipped quickly into the other side of the bath.

"Now who's blushing?"

"I didn't think you'd really do it."

"You know me better then that."

Remy laughed and the tension between them was broken. The two talked and laughed about the chaos that was sure to ensue shortly. As they spoke they slowly got braver with their touches. Their legs had become intertwined and Sirius was drawing patterns on the inside of Remy's wrist. They were inching closer together when a knock on the door broke them apart.

"Remy you in there?"

"Yeah, what's up James?"

"You haven't seen Sirius have you? I've been looking all over for him."

The two shared a look before Sirius replied, "I'm in here mate."

"Oh, right. Well, the girls will be here soon so you'd probably best finish up."

"Thanks mate, we'll be out in a bit."

Remy and Sirius couldn't help but laugh. Whatever momentum had been building between them was gone and they quickly dried off. Remy slipped on a pair of worn jeans and Sirius' quidditch sweatshirt. He thought about saying something to her about it, but decided against it.

When the girls rang the bell the house was flooded with noise. The girls were all yelling about different things and pulling Remy in for hugs. The girls had worked themselves up so much that they had even all hugged James and Sirius. The boys were surprised at first, but went along with it.

They led the girls upstairs and showed them the two rooms they'd be sharing. The girls looked a little overwhelmed trying to take it all in. The house was huge and Marlene was the only who'd been there before.

James and Sirius wandered off and left the girls to get settled. The girls unpacked their bags and all came to sit on one bed and chat.

"Where's your room Remy?" Alice asked.

"I'm actually staying in Sirius' room."

"So that's why you're wearing his jumper?" Marlene teased.

"Nothing slips by you guys does it?"

"Well it does have Black scrolled across the back of it, Remy."

Remy laughed and looked down at which of his sweatshirts she'd put own. It turns out she'd picked his Gryffindor quidditch sweatshirt and it did have Black across the back.

"Do you want me to show you around the house?"

The girls agreed and Remy lead them about the house. They were all deeply fascinated by the size of the house. Remy let them into Sirius' room, which she immediately realized was a mistake. The girls were captivated by everything in the room.

"Merlin Remy, you let them in here?" Sirius sighed as he and James came back up with Remus and Peter.

"They were interested. James' room is next door if you guys want a real adventure."

Marlene opened the dividing door and the Remy could hear the girls arguing with James through the wall. Sirius walked over and flopped on the bed beside Remy.

"Why'd you let me wear this?" Remy asked him.

"I thought about saying something, but I figured you knew. And you look good in it," Sirius said pulling her close.

The two laid there just looking at each other. They slowly inched closer together until the door was thrown open and they fell apart again.

"One of these days I'm going to get another kiss," Sirius whisper to her before he got up to join the others.


	15. Chapter 15

"I don't want to go back to school," Remy whined laying on James' bed.

"Come off it Remy. We've got tonight still. Everyone's getting together, it'll be a blast."

"We need to get hammered."

"Did I hear a party being planned?" Sirius asked popping in.

"Of course you did, dear. We have a bit of preparing to do before everyone gets here."

James' parents had left two days ago for Italy and they had the house to themselves. They had to go back to school tomorrow, so everyone had agreed to spend there last night of break together. Remy had been able to see Derek a few times over the month off and he agreed to come over tonight.

"You're brother is the hottest person alive," Marlene said when the girls were alone.

"God, don't start that. He's my brother."

"But seriously Remy, he's a god."

"He is quite fit."

"Not you too Lily! He's got a girlfriend he's madly in love with, so stop your fantasies."

Derek's girlfriend didn't seem to deter the girls as they all were actively chatting with him all night. The girls all giggled at his jokes and kept fighting over sitting next to him. The boys certainly noticed and there previously positive opinion of Derek seemed to be slipping away.

"Mum always said we should have been switched," Remy joked.

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

"She always used to joke that I should have been the girl because I've always had girls follow me around and Remy should have been the boy because she's never been able to get girls to give her the time of day."

"You would have been a very lovely young lady," Remy joked.

Derek laughed and ruffled her hair. Seeing the two of them together made Sirius sad. He wasn't sure why because he wanted Remy to be happy. For some reason, seeing the two of them together and happy made him feel so alone.

"I thought this was meant to be a party?" Alice asked grabbing a bottle of wine and taking a swig.

The others soon followed suit and everyone was soon laughing and chatting. Sirius tried hard to fake it, but Remy and James kept looking at him with knowing eyes. He tried to entertain himself flirting with Marlene, but she was still focused on Derek.

"Come help me find some ice."

"Remy you know where shit is here."

Remy just rolled her eyes and half dragged Sirius into the Potter's kitchen. Remy just stood looking at him, waiting. Sirius wasn't interested in talking and just kept going through the fridge instead.

"What is it Sirius?"

"It's nothing Rem, it's stupid."

"Come on, don't be like that. It's me."

He turned and steeped close to her. He could tell she was holding her breath, which made him smile. He leaned down to kiss her, but she moved away.

"Don't Sirius, you know that's shit."

"Come on Remy, we've both been drinking. Why shouldn't we have a little fun?"

"Don't put that shit on me. I'm not just one of your girls who you can fuck to feel better."

"Well that's obvious," Sirius said coldly.

He knew it was wrong, but he didn't care. He didn't have to look at her to see the hurt he'd caused. He shouldn't have been playing at falling for her. She was never going to want someone as fucked up and broken as him. She didn't deserve that. He didn't say anything he just walked out and up to his room.

"Mate, you in there?" James's asked through the door a little while later.

"Fuck off Prongs."

"Talk to me Sirius. What happened?"

"Nothing happened, I'm just me and people need to get used to that."

"Fucking drop it, Padfoot," James said opening the door. "Pushing Remy away isn't going to help."

"I'm no good for her. She has good in her life. Look that how happy she was when Derek's been around. She has a real family. She doesn't need my orphan bullshit."

"You have a family Sirius."

"No, I have a bunch of people who feel sorry for me. Your mums shown she'll take any old stray."

James looked hurt, but he didn't leave. Sirius had been like this for weeks after he'd shown up at the Potter's. Refusing to believe anyone loved or cared for him. He was good at pushing people away.

"She told me you kissed her."

"Well, it looks like it won't happen again."

Sirius recounted the story from the kitchen and James tried hard to to let his face give him away. He listened while Sirius told him that he'd given up on her.

"I wouldn't be so quick to throw in the towel."

"Why?"

"Because I've been listening, Sirius," Remy said from the doorway.


	16. Chapter 16

"If I have to sit through one more Divinations class I'm going to actually die," Marlene complained looking up from her book.

"So I take it your dream journal isn't coming along well?"

"I don't dream! I just go to sleep and wake up, there is no middle part."

"I wish I didn't dream," Remy said softly.

"Do you still have nightmares?" Lily asked concerned.

"They're not as bad if I have someone next to me, but I do still get them. The guys are good about it though, they're used to Sirius."

"He gets them too?"

"Don't tell him I told you that, but yeah he does. That's part of why I moved in with them. I bunk with him or James and that makes it better."

"James gets nightmares too?"

"Not much, he mostly just kicks about in his sleep."

That made the girls laugh and return to there homework. Lily kept looking at Remy for just a little longer. She looked away quickly when Remy caught her eye, but she was pretty sure she'd seen jealousy. That made Remy smile softly to herself before returning to her potions assignment.

The second qudditch match for Gryffindor had already arrived. This time they played Slytherin and the tension was palpable around the school. Kids kept getting into fights between classes and the professors were losing their patience.

"That's enough," McGonagall shouted as two boys wrestled on the ground. "All Gryffindors are to return to there common room."

Everyone shuffled quietly not wanting to upset her any further. McGonagall was not a woman to be taken lightly. The common room was tense as they waited for her arrival.

"I've had enough with the fights. If there is one more incident Professor Slughorn and I have agreed to cancel the match." This brought moans from the students. "Enough! You are to attended your lessons and be on your best behavior until the end of the week or there will be no qudditch. Do I make myself clear?"

The fighting did stop, but every lesson where the two houses were together was nearly unbearable. Everyone was so tense and on edge. Even people who didn't care about the sport. Remy felt like she was going to explode when Saturday morning came around.

"I can't eat," she said pushing away her plate.

"I don't want to hear is Remy. You can and will eat. You need your strength."

"But all the food looks so terrible. I think I'm going to be sick," she sighed and put her head down.

"Remy I'm your captain and I order you to eat."

She looked definitely up at James and took a small bite of toast. Sirius chuckled at her antics, which earn him a glare from James.

"Fine do what you want and just pass out hundreds of feet in the air," with that James stormed off.

"God, I hate him on game day."

"You've only had to put up with him for a few months. We made the team third year and he's been that crazy since then. He got captain last year and that's just made it worse."

"He's just looking out for you lot," Remus said looking up from the paper.

"Fine," Remy said eating a bit more before her and Sirius headed down to the pitch.

The locker room was tense when they arrived. James was pacing and talking to himself while everyone else sat around. Remy and Sirius sat down and they waited for JamesS' speech.

"I'll keep this short. You lot know how important this game is. We know they're going to play dirty, so be careful out there. Black and Walker will have your backs, but watch out. We can do this."

With that they walked out onto the pitch. As James and Rossier flew to the center someone knocked Remys broom and she almost lost her balance. A fight almost broke out until Madame Hooch sent them each to their respective sides.

The game was riddled with injuries and accidents. Bludgers were flying viciously and chasers were knocking into each other constantly. The score was tight and neither of the seekers seemed to be able to locate that snitch.

Remy was focused on the chasers coming at her. She had bruises down her left side from how fast the quaffle was coming at her. She didn't hear Sirius yelling at her until it was to late. Suddenly Sirius was in front of her. She heard the noise of the bludger hitting his chest and saw him fall. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion and Remy just sat there frozen.

No one seemed to notice at first because the seekers had started racing after the snitch. James heard Sirius cry out and raced to try and catch him. His sudden dive seemed to draw attention to Sirius and he was enchanted to slow as he approached the ground.

Slytherin had caught the snitch and there crowd was exploding with cheers, but all Remy could hear was the sound of the bludger hitting Sirius over and over in her head.


	17. Chapter 17

"I just don't know James. I'm so mad at him, but I want to cry. I'm terrified he won't wake up. He shouldn't have been so reckless."

"It's Sirius, you know he never fucking thinks anything through."

"I should have just moved."

"Holy shit, I hurt," Sirius said with a moan as he tried to sit up.

Remy tried throwing her arms around him, but was slowed by the sling and bandages she wore. She ended up falling into Sirius, which did nothing to sooth his pain.

"What happened Remy?"

"Avery knocked into me flying down. I'm so sorry Sirius," with that Remy started to cry.

"Merlin Rem, calm the fuck down. I'm fine."

"You could have died!"

"But he didn't. So we can let him be now, Remy."

"How long was I out for?"

"Three days. You're chest cavity was caved in. You almost died."

"So I have a fucking right to be pissed Sirius. You shouldn't have done that."

"And just watch that bludger smash into you?"

"Why didn't you try and hit it?"

"We lost didn't we?" Sirius asked ignoring Remy.

"Yeah, bastards got the snitch in the end. But they lost to Ravenclaw so as long as we beat Hufflepuff we're still in it for the cup."

"Are you both serious right now? You could have died Sirius!"

"And I'm fine so I don't see why you're freaking out," Sirius said coldly.

Remy didn't say anything, but James could see tears in her eyes. She got up and walked out of the hospital wing without another word.

"Damn Pads."

"Don't start Prongs. I don't need her shit right now."

"She hasn't slept in three days mate. You should have seen her while you've been out. She blamed herself for not listening to you."

"I couldn't watch her get hurt," Sirius said after a long silence.

"Maybe you should tell her that mate," James said softly.

"She just makes me crazy."

"They say love does that."

Sirius started to say something, but when he met James' eyes he stopped. He tried to get up, but just let out a moan of pain.

"I should let you rest."

Sirius was stuck in the hospital wing for a few more days. Remy didn't come to see him again and it was driving Sirius crazy. He kept writing her notes, but they all seemed stupid.

"I heard Sirius is getting out of the hospital wing today," Alice said casually over breakfast.

"Swell," Remy said picking at her breakfast.

"You're still not speaking?" Marlene asked.

"He's an idiot and a child," Remy said getting up and walking off.

She hadn't been eating much since they got back from break. Fighting with Sirius on and off was driving her crazy. They'd hit good patches and then not speak for weeks.

"I brought you an apple," James said taking a seat next to her in Potions.

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care, you have to eat Rems."

"Like I have to read those fucking notes and I have to talk to Sirius. I'm tired of hearing about how much I have to do everything."

Remy got up walked out. She found herself in the owlery writing Derek. He'd sent her a series of letters that she hadn't answered. Even from thousands of miles away he could always tell when something was wrong. She just didn't have words for him. She just wanted to stop feeling again.

"Hey, can I talk and you just listen for a second?" Sirius asked startling Remy.

"Should you be up here?"

"Remy please."

"Fine."

"I was shitty and I've been shitty to you. We're both just fucked up kids trying to figure out what it's like to have people care about us. You make me crazy Rem. I snap and yell at you and I'm sorry."

"I get it Sirius. I don't really know how to be nice to people. I'm suspicious and weird and I don't know if that will ever change."

"Mates?"

"Yeah," Remy said and hugged him.

"James told me to give you this."

Remy took the apple with an uneasy laugh. She wandered back down the stairs with Sirius. Trusting him was hard. It was like standing on ice she knew would break eventually. It was only just a matter of time.


	18. Chapter 18

Spring brought with it torrential rains that had everyone on edge. Being trapped in doors was driving the teenagers crazy. The Marauders were especially on edge because there was a full moon tonight. Remus was going to be harder for them to control with all the mud and fog.

Sirius didn't seem to be affected by the rain the last few days. He was cheerful and pleasant, which made Remy very nervous. On the night of the full moon she decided to confront him.

"What's got you in such a good mood lately?"

"Come on Rem isn't a man allowed to be happy?"

"Normal people yeah, but you should be just as stir crazy as the rest of us. And it's the full moon tonight. Aren't you worried about Remus?"

"Keep your voice down," Sirius grumbled before he pulled her behind a tapestry.

"No ones around Sirius. It's almost curfew."

"If I tell you something you have to swear not to tell anyone."

"That depends on the secret."

"Just promise me."

"Fine I promise."

"I figured out how to get back at Snape."

"What are you going to do?" Remy asked the question hesitantly and started to have the sense she might not like the answer.

"I told him how to get the Whomping Willow to freeze so he can get into the tunnel that leads to the shrieking shack. He's been suspicious of Remus for years and now he'll finally get to see what a werewolf is really like."

"You're joking."

"Never I'm always Sirius."

"That's not funny Sirius. Tell me that isn't true. Please," Remy pleaded.

"No, Snape should be on his way down there now," Sirius said softer now.

"I can't believe you did this," Remy snarled and then took of running to find James.

She could hear Sirius calling after her, but she didn't stop. She had to find James and tell him or something terrible was going to happen.

"James, we have to go now," she panted finding him outside the common room.

"What's wrong?"

"Sirius told Snape about Remus. We don't have much time."

James didn't ask anymore questions he just took off. Remy was nearly sprinting to keep up with him and it still felt like it took the hours to get out on the grounds. It was nearly impossible to see with the thick fog rising over the earth. Remy was sure James was just running on instinct because she couldn't even see the Whomping Willow. They both froze for a second when they heard Snape cry out.

The tree was suddenly deathly still and the only noise was James cursing under his breath. James drove straight under the tree into what looked like nothing, but Remy followed. They were in a damp tunnel that was barely tall enough for them to stand up in. James hadn't slowed down and they could see Snape just up ahead.

"Snape, you need to leave!" James yelled.

"You boyfriend already told me everything Potter. I know you've been hiding this monster from the school."

"Just come with me Snape or we are all going to get seriously hurt," James' tone was calm and even, which only seems to enrage Snape.

"You think I don't know this is dangerous? It's worth the risk to expose him and keep the rest of the school safe."

Suddenly the trap door above them was starting to splinter. There was are furious pounding and horrible growls coming from behind there. Just ask it was about to burst she saw James transform into a stag. He shoved past Snape and stood face to face with the werewolf.

Remy grabbed onto Snape and stared pulling him back up the corridor. She could here the animals fighting behind her, but didn't stop moving forward. As they reached the entrance James was back beside her in human form. He started dragging Snape out and was screaming at her. She couldn't understand the words until it was to late.

The werewolf was on top of her. She grabbed for her wand and was able to throw him off for a moment. The pain didn't start to sink in until she could taste the blood in her mouth. She was barely through the tunnel entrance when the monster was on her again.

A large black dog came and crashed into the werewolf sending him backwards and the stag was back again. The two of the fought viciously, in now pouring rain, with the werewolf. Until they were able to subdue him back into the tunnel. They all disappear for a moment and Sirius and James came back out of the tunnel alone. James was screaming at Sirius and Sirius had nothing to say for himself.

"Remy," Sirius whispered breathless by her side.

"Don't touch me," Remy coughed.

"I'm sor-"

"I don't care Sirius," Remy growled cutting him off. "Maybe everyone was right about you. You're a monster. Just like everyone else in your family."

"You're my family," Sirius chocked softly through tears.

"No, I'm not. This isn't what you do to family. Just leave Sirius. I can't even look at you."

Sirius did what he was told and took of wandering slowly back to the castle. James had knocked Snape out and levitated both of them to the hospital wing. Madame Pumfrey was visibly shaken when she saw Remy. She sent James to fetch Dumbledore and started to work on Remy immediately.

She cut through what remained of her t-shirt and bra and started pouring potions that felt like fire when they touched her skin.

"I know love, there are few things worse to heal than werewolve attacks. Just thank your stars you weren't bitten. There's no healing I can do for that."

"James got clawed too."

"Not like you did Ms. Banks. Why were you out there this time of month?"

Remy started to explain, but just then Dumbledore arrived. James had also started the story, but he started over once they were in ear shot. Pumfrey had James take his shirt off and clean up the stretch of claw marks along his side quickly. The pain didn't seem to affect James. He never pause the story for a moment.

When he was done Madame Pumfrey went to get more supplies and James came to sit beside Remy. He grabbed her hand and held it close.

"I'm so sorry Remy. You didn't deserve this."

"Neither did Remus. He's going to feel so terrible that he hurt me and it's all Sirius fault."

"How bad is it?"

Remy moved up slightly with a grimace and lifted the sheet covering her torso. She had two long cuts that ran across the top of her lip and the middle of her chin. Both of here shoulders had four long claw marks that ran in a v pattern across her breast and down her stomach.

"Madame Pumfrey said they will take a while to heal because of the dark magic in werewolfs. So now I'll have more scars. Just what I needed," Remy said looking away.

"Come on Remy it's not so bad."

"I know, I'm being childish. I could have been bitten, but I had so many scars already. Now I just look so broken."

"You're gorgeous love," James said giving her a kiss on the top of her head.

"Lovely of you to join us Mr. Black," Dumbledore said as Sirius walked slowly into the hospital wing.

James was up and across the floor in seconds. He hit Sirius several times before Dumbledore was able to break them up. Sirius didn't even bother to wipe the blood from his lip. He looked completely defeated.

Dumbledore and Madame Pumfrey drew curtains around Remy and Snaps beds. Dumbledore cast and silencing charm and had them each tell their side of what happened. Snape woke up part way through and started screaming at Dumbledore for protecting a dangerous monster.

"Remus Lupin is no monster Mr. Snape. He is just a boy who has an unfortunate lot in life and he deserves to be here as much as any student. If word of his unfortunate condition ever leaves this room you will find yourself on a train home in the morning. Do I make myself clear?"

Snape just nodded and then Dumbledore dismissed him back to the Slytherin dorms. Sirius was last to explain himself and seemed to have lost his words. He was crying softly and just kept apologizing to Remus who wasn't yet there.

"You have disappointed me more then I ever thought possible Mr. Black. You have done so well this year and this is so deeply unlike you. I won't expel you for this though perhaps I should. You're removed from the qudditch team and you'll serve detention four nights a week for the remainder of the term. I know you will spend a life time atoning for the choices you made this evening." With that Dumbledore left the three alone.

"Remy," Sirius started.

"Stop Sirius. I can't be around you right now. You need to leave and stay away from us." Remy said quietly without looking at him.

Sirius sat for a moment, but slowly walked out of the hospital wing without another word. Shortly after he left Dumbledore brought Remus in. Remus wouldn't look at either of them and just turned himself away.

"Remus please, I'm not mad at you. It wasn't you who did this."

"You'll have those scars for the rest of your life Remy. They take a long time to heal and it's painful. You'll be maimed forever because of me."

"That's enough Moony. This wasn't you and she knows it. You're not a monster. You can't control it."

Remus just shook his head and laid down. He waited in the hospital wing with Remy the whole time she healed. Madame Pumfrey gave her sleeping droughts so she wouldn't have to feel the painful healing process as much. Every time she woke up James and Remus were at her side.


	19. Chapter 19

Rumors ran wild across the school. Sirius was barely in class and when he bothered to show up he wasn't anywhere near the Marauders. Once Remy returned to class with her new scars the school population was even more confused.

James would barely leave Remy's side and Remus kept alternating between hovering and keeping his distance. He kept apologizing to Remy and there was nothing she could do to get through to him. None of them were eating or even speaking much. The whole group seemed to be on autopilot.

Sirius had moved out of there dorm and was sleeping in the Room of Requirement. He had given up on trying to apologize and was just keeping his distance. He was drunk most days and he had stared fighting with people over nothing. Remy tried hard not to notice, but it hurt her seeing him like that. James wouldn't talk about him, but he clearly missed his best friend.

"Remy are you doing anything tonight?" Marlene asked as they packed up from Charms.

"No, I was thinking of going for a run. But it's always fucking raining here."

"Come hang out with us in our dorm. We haven't hung out in ages," Alice whined.

"I might just have an early night."

"Come on Remy. We're worried about you," Mary said the second part quietly.

"Fine, but we're just going to relax okay?" Remy asked.

The girls had no desire for a quite night. When Remy arrived in pair of her brothers pajama pants, an James' old Gryffindor hoodie and her hair up the girls looked disappointed. They had all changed into cute pajamas and were playing with makeup and nail polish.

"You look like a homeless person," Marlene taunted.

"These clothes are comfortable."

"Do you always take the boys clothes?"

"Depends, these pants I've had forever. Stole them from Derek when he was like 14, they've always been huge on me."

"That's Potter's jumper though, right?"

"Jealous?" Remy said with a laugh teasing Lily.

"I thought you weren't interested," Lily called back.

"No, I mostly use him for his clothes. He smells very nice," Remy said pulling the cuffs of the sweater up to her nose.

This started all the girls wanting to smell. Lily refused to except that anything about James could be nice. This started an elaborate argument about cologne and perfume. No one could agree on anything and once they started drinking things just got worse.

"Is Sirius okay?" Marlene asked sobering the mode abruptly.

"I don't think so. I haven't spoken to him since everything happened and I don't really want to."

"What happened?" Lily asked.

"I can't talk about it. It's not my place to share."

"Remy it's just us. You can tell us anything."

"No I can't Mary. I've never been able to do that with anyone. Things were bad and Sirius did something stupid. That's all you guys need to know."

Remy got up and left. She ignored the girls calling behind her and wandered out through the common room. She had been worried the only reason the girls wanted to talk to her was for information about the Marauders and it turns out she was right. She was drunker than she thought and found herself lost in a dark corridor.

She sat down and felt tears running down her face. She must have stayed like that for an hour. She didn't notice voices until Remus put a hand on her shoulder.

"Remy? Is everything okay?" He asked standing next to a Ravenclaw 5th year prefect.

Remy didn't have any words. She just wrapped her arms around Remus and hugged him tight. He said something to the girl and she walked off in a different direction. Remus hesitantly put his arms around Remy at first. The longer she held onto him the tighter he hugged her back. Remus whispered words of comfort and rubbed his hands up her back until she finally stopped crying.

"Thank you Remus, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize Remy. Do you want to talk about what's going on?"

"I just feel so alone now. I was meant to spend the night with the girls tonight, but a few hours in they started asking me about Sirius."

"You haven't spoken to him since that night have you?"

"No, I can't even look at him Remus."

"You know I'm going to forgive him, right?"

"I know, because you're such a good person. It's not even about you not forgiving him. I guess I knew that he had that darkness in him. It's just crazy that it came out like that. It makes me worried about a lot of things."

"You and him are different, you know that, right?"

"No we're not Remus. Not really deep down where it matters."

"You had Derek. You had him to help you and listen to you. Sirius' brother won't even look at him. He spent so long completely alone. That's why I have to forgive him. He doesn't have anyone but us."

Remy stood and just looked at Remus for a while. He was so strong and so good. Before she realized what she was doing, she kissed him.

"You don't have to kiss guys when they're nice to you Remy," Remus said pulling away quickly.

"But I wanted to kiss you. I have for a long time," Remy whispered kissing him again.

"What about-" Remy cut off his protests with another kiss and he didn't stop her this time.


	20. Chapter 20

Remus spent the next few weeks convincing James it was time to forgive Sirius. James was unwilling to even listen at first, but Remus was good at explaining himself. Remy could see the heartbreak on his face when Remus talked about them being the only family Sirius had. There was no arguing with that.

They decided to go on a Sunday morning to talk to Sirius. Because Sirius had been removed from the quidditch team and Remy had been injured so long they had been forced to forfeit to Hufflepuff and were out of competition for the cup. That left James with loads of spare time and they were able to spend Saturday talking about what each of them wanted to say.

When they opened the door of the Room to Requirement Remy had to stop herself from crying. There were liquor bottles everywhere and scraps of papers that all seemed to be apology letters. Sirius was passed out of the floor in the corner and seemed to be in the middle of a nightmare.

"Merlin Pads," James said softly, dropping down beside Sirius sleeping form.

"I didn't realize it would be this bad," Remy said taking a seat beside sleeping Sirius.

Remus began to slowly coax Sirius awake, which was harder said than done. When Sirius would wake up he was convinced they were a dream and he was still drunk from the night before.

"Padfoot it's us. It's me and Prongs and Remy. We came to talk to you and we're so sorry we weren't here sooner."

"I'm sorry Moony, I'm so sorry. I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make things better. I can't believe-"

"That's enough of that," Remus said cutting him off. "You made a terrible mistake, but you're forgiven. We want you to come home."

"All of you?" Sirius asked looking at both Remy and James.

"Pads your my best mate and my brother. You fucked up, but nothing you do with ever take that away. If Remus can forgive you than so can I."

With that James hugged Sirius tightly and they both started crying. Everyone ended up hugging and they were all laughing and crying together. On the way back to the common room Remus took Sirius to the prefects bathroom so he could get cleaned up and promised to meet James and Remy back in the dorm soon.

"James, I need to tell you something."

"Okay," James replied nervous.

"I kissed Remus."

"I know, he told me about it weeks ago."

"What? When?"

"I think the morning after. He told me you were drunk and crying and he tried to help you and you kissed him. Then he pulled away and it wasn't a big deal."

"He didn't just pull away like that."

"What do you mean Rem?"

"He pulled away at first, but he ended up making out in that alcove for a hour or so."

"Did you shag him?" James yelled starting to loose his cool.

"No, but I wanted to. I still want to. I haven't gotten any time alone with him since it happened or I might have tried to."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me Remy! You can't just run about snogging all of us. Did you give Peter a quick hand job last week to?"

"Fuck you, I was drunk and alone and Remus is an amazing person. I was just trying to talk to you so there wouldn't be anymore secrets, but obviously that was stupid," Remy had gotten quieter as she spoke and when she turned to leave she was almost whispering.

"Wait," James said blocking the door. "I'm sorry, I just didn't see this coming. I figured you'd tell me the same shit Moony told me and we'd be square. I'm just shocked."

"It's not like I was planning on anything happening that night. It's just something about Remus."

"So you fancy him?"

"I don't know, I just care about him and everything gets so messed up all the time. I just don't think Remus would ever let anything happen with us."

"Why's that?"

"The last thing he needs is someone so broken and fucked up. He deserves a girl with light inside her. Someone who will make him smile and make things easier."

"He won't do that to Padfoot. I don't know how he feels about you, but I know he won't do anything to hurt the group."

"Terms almost over and nothing's ever happened with me and Sirius. We had a brief little thing, but it won't ever work."

"He loves you Remy," that was the last thing James got to say before Remus and Sirius joined them in the dorm.

The night after everyone else had gone to bed Remy and Sirius were still sitting up in the common room. They were both casually smoking and not talking much.

"I'm sorry about the scars Remy," Sirius said tears in his eyes.

"You haven't seen the worst of them," she said not meeting his eyes.

"How bad?" Sirius asked hesitantly as he stroked the lines that ran across her face.

Remy didn't answer she just slipped off her t-shirt. She heard the sharp intake of breath as she turned to face him. Sirius ran his fingers lightly down the fresh scars that covered her torso. She couldn't look at him.

"I'm so sorry Remy. I never meant for you to get hurt."

"I'm fine, it's just how Remus looks at me now. He feels so guilty."

"That's why you snogged him?"

"How do you-"

"Moony told me. That's why he wanted to split up. He actually apologized to me for it, which is so fucked."

"What did he say?"

"That you were drunk and sad and he feels horrible about it."

"Well, I guess I need to shoot for guys more fucked up than you idiots. Maybe I'll blow Flitch next time."

That made Sirius let out a genuine laugh. The mood between the two was lighter for the first time in a long time. Remy felt herself relax and spent the night happy.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: This chapter has a sexual assault scene please read with caution**

Term came to a rapid end and Sirius, Remy, and James were all back at the Potters for the summer. Derek had agreed to spend a week at the Potters if she'd come with him on a month long sailing gig he'd booked. He'd always liked to sail and there was a lot of work in the U.K.

When Derek turns up a few weeks into the summer the girls had "conveniently" come by and everyone was lounging in James' backyard pool. Remy was driving everyone nuts fussing over things before Derek arrived

"Christ Remy, where are your clothes?" Derek sighed looking over his sisters small bikini.

"I don't mind," Max, an old friend of Derek's, said pulling Remy in for a long hug.

Derek had also brought along his girlfriend, Lyra, and his other friend Adam. Max, Adam, and Derek had met their first year of school and the three were inseparable since then. Max was a classic American hottie. He was 6' 4" with blonde curls and bright blue eyes and perfectly tan. Adam looked more like a lot like Derek with his dark hair and eyes. The three were often confused for siblings. Lyra was strikingly beautiful she had strawberry blonde curls and shining green eyes. She had scars that ran across different parts of her body, which was the only sign of her lycanthropy.

"Okay for introductions, you guys know my brother Derek. This is his girlfriend Lyra, and his friends Max and Adam. These are my school friends, James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Marlene, Alice and Mary."

Everyone sort of looked about confused, but they all started to mingle easily. Lyra pulled Remus aside and they seemed to be having a really good conversation. Marlene was flirting hard with Derek and he was oblivious as usual. Remy found herself sitting on the edge of the pool alone until Max joined her.

"Alright Gorgeous, tell me which ones your boyfriend?" Max said sliding up to her casually and wrapping his arm around her.

"I'm actually single right now."

"I don't think I've seen you single since grade school."

"I've turned a new leaf at British school."

"When did you last get laid?"

Remy paused to think about it and her face fell. She hadn't slept with anyone since fall term. That was forever for her.

"It's been almost eight months."

"Is it about the scars?" Max said quietly holding her closer.

"Maybe, I don't know. After everything that happened it's just different. I also moved into the boys dorms, which is kinda a cock block."

"So you're bunking with one of those kids every night and just sleeping?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"I'm just saying if you were sleeping next to me every night I wouldn't do much sleeping," Max said running his hand across her lower back.

Remy blushed but leaned into him. She'd always though Max was hot, but he'd never paid much attention to her. As the afternoon went on his touches got bolder and soon they were sneaking off into the house.

Their absence didn't go unnoticed and Sirius followed them. Remy didn't have a room in the house so she led them into an unused guest room. Sirius debated following them, knowing he wasn't going to like what he saw.

Max had Remy pinned up against the door and was running his hands all over her. She was letting out increasingly louder moans as he slipped his hand under her bikini bottoms.

"Your scars are beautiful," Max whispered into her ear.

That made Remy stop and squirm away. Max didn't seem to notice and kept fingering her.

"That's a really fucked up thing to say."

"Oh come on Baby, I know you're having a good time."

"Max stop, I'm not doing this."

"It's a little late now," Max said pushing his erection against her.

"Get off me Max," Remy said pushing him.

"Fine, I was just doing you a favor anyway," Max said turning off from her. He saw Sirius standing there and just muttered "Perve," before he went back outside.

"So you saw all that?" Remy asked as Sirius walked up to her.

"I didn't mean to watch, I just was worried about you," Sirius said blushing.

"He told me my scars were beautiful."

"Birds have done that shit to me. They're just visible reminders of how fucked up our lives are. I don't need people to make my pain poetic."

"Right, I mean look at me. My whole chest is a patchwork of scars. I debated playing sick all morning so I wouldn't have to put on a bathing suit."

"You want to put something else on and just ditch?"

"Yeah, but I want a shower first."

Sirius waited patiently outside the bathroom for Remy to shower. He wondered what was taking her so long until her stated to hear her crying. He didn't knock he just walked in and she was curled up on the floor of the shower.

"Hey Rems, it's okay. I'm here I've got you," Sirius said while he turned the water off and wrapped her in a towel.

He picked her up and carried her back to his room. He eased her into a pair of his sweats and wrapped her up in blankets. He curled up beside her and just spent the rest of the day talking softly to her while she drifted in and out of sleep.


	22. Chapter 22

The incident with Max seemed to bring up a lot of past pain for Remy. She spent weeks in bed curled up with Sirius. She didn't want to talk much, but Sirius was still there regardless.

"It's been three weeks Pads," James said taking a seat beside a sleeping Remy.

"She's in bad shape mate. That piece of shit triggered something in her. She's feeling all the loss and pain in her life like it's the first time."

"What about you mate?"

"I'm fine."

"Come off it. I haven't seen you leave this room. Have you eaten anything?"

"I have to be here for her."

"She fancies Moony."

"I don't care," Sirius said setting his jaw in stoney resolve.

"She doesn't love you."

"I don't care Prongs. If she fucking marries Moony I'll still be here for her. You of all people should understand that."

"I've given up on her," James said softly.

"What?"

"Evans is never going to love me. Hell, she'll probably never even tolerate me. I have to except that."

Sirius was quiet for a while. Remy stirred, but just snuggled closer to Sirius. He looked down at her and pushed the hair out of her eyes. James might have given up on Lily, but he would never give up on Remy.

Remy did eventually get out of bed. She was quiet though and stayed in the house most days. Neither of the boys knew what to do.

"Alright, were going out." Sirius said one afternoon.

"I don't really feel up to it," Remy said not moving from the couch.

Sirius just picked Remy up and drug her upstairs. James saw this happening and followed the two up the stairs. Sirius dropped Remy on his bed and she was rolling laughing.

"Are you lot about to shag?" James teased from the doorway.

"Did you want to join Jamesie?" Remy replied with a wink.

"You know I'm much more interested in Padfoot Rems."

"Enough you too. We are going out Prongs. Put on something sharp so we can go hit on muggles."

"Fuck it, I'm game."

About an hour later all three were looking good. Remy was in a minidress and heels and the boys both looked good. Sirius was in a band t-shirt and leather jacket and James was wearing a dark button-down rolled up to his elbows.

They apporated to muggle London and began to wonder around. Soon the found a pub with a band playing and wondered inside. James went to grab drinks and Sirius brought Remy out into the crowd.

The music was loud and the drinks were strong. Remy relaxed for the first time in a month and danced with James and Sirius. A gorgeous blonde muggle girl kept hanging around them and before long her and James had wondered off with her.

"Thank you," Remy said wrapping her arms around Sirius as the band began a slow song.

"You just needed to get out of the house. And spending the night with you wrapped around me doesn't hurt," Sirius said smirking.

"You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah, I know," Sirius said with a sad smile.

He spent that night holding her tight on slow songs and dancing like an idiot to make her smile. He realized too late that he drank too much and was having a hard time keeping himself together. Remy was giddy and stumbling and Sirius was moody and hammered.

"Alright you lot, lets try and get you home safe," James said leading the two drunk teenagers down the street.

"I love you too, just so you know," Sirius slurred at Remy.

"Come on mate that's enough," James said.

"No Prongs this is important. Remy need to know I love her too. And I don't care if she loves Moony."

"I love you mostest, Sirius," Remy said leaning against Sirius.

Sirius looked very pleased with himself before he began to vomit in the alley.


	23. Chapter 23

Remy was laying on the couch reading. It was a warm day and the sun was coming in through the large windows. James and Sirius had gone out for the day and she had the house to herself.

"Hey Rem," Remus said wondering into the living room. "The lads out?"

"Yeah, something about this muggle girl James met."

"I suppose I should have owled," Remus said standing awkwardly.

"I don't mind," Remy said putting down her book. "I don't have anything planned for the day."

"For Whom the Bell Tolls, huh?" Remus said picking up the book and taking a seat beside Remy.

"I'm in love with Ernest Hemingway."

"You know he was an alcoholic who killed himself, right?"

"I take it you're not a fan?"

"I actually love this book. I haven't read it in years though."

Remy smiled and opened the book again. She started back at the beginning and started reading aloud. She looked up enough to see Remus starting to relax. As she read on he leaned back into the couch. Remy draped her legs in his lap and Remus had his arm casually around her shoulders.

They spent hours like that. Switching off reading aloud and snuggling closer together with each turning page. The two were lost in their own world. Remus brushed Remy's hair out of her eyes and she stopped reading and looked at him. Remus looked away, but when he looked back Remy had the sweetest smile. He couldn't stop himself from leaning in and kissing her.

Remy responded quickly. She tangled her hands and Remus hair and pulled him closer. Remus ran her hands up her her back and pulled her on his lap. Remy deepened the kiss and Remus let out a low moan. She started to grind her hips against his and Remus began to kiss down her jaw and neck.

"Rems you still," James stopped abruptly when he entered the study. "I, um, sorry, I'll just," James trailed off and turned around.

"Merlin, I'm stupid," Remus said sliding out from under Remy.

"Remus wait," Remy said getting up to follow him.

"Remy I can't. I'm sorry," Remus whispered as he walked down the hallway.

"Please Remus, don't do this."

That made Remus stop. He stood facing the other direction, for what seemed like hours, but he turned back around. He walked straight back to Remy and kissed her.

"Can we go somewhere?" Remus asked when he pulled away.

Remy just nodded and took his hand as they walked out of the house. Remus wrapped his arm around her and they apporated back to his house. The Lupin's lived in a cute cottage in the woods. They were tucked away in an adorable little clearing.

"You're house is like a story book," Remy said smiling at him.

"It's private, we moved here after I got bitten."

Remy just squeezed his hand and didn't say anything. Remus let her up the walk way and into the house. It smelled like baking and the there was beautiful natural light coming in from the windows.

"Mum? You home?" Remus called out.

A sweet mild aged woman came around the corner. She had the same sweet brown eyes as Remus and a mess of curly brow hair tied up on her head.

"Oh hello there, I'm Teresa. Remus didn't tell us he was bringing over guests," Teresa started straightening up a few bowls and plates.

"Mum, this is Remy."

"Oh, this is the famous Remy. We've heard so much about you," Teresa came over and gave Remy a hug.

"Mum honestly," Remus scolded, blushing.

"Ah you're back," Remus father said walking in. "And you've brought a friend."

"Rem this is my dad, Alex."

"Alex, this is Remy. The American girl Remus has been telling us about."

"We're going upstairs," Remus said blushing fiercely.

"Your parents are adorable," Remy said once they reached his room.

"They're crazy."

"You haven't brought a girl around before, have you?"

"No, I didn't want them to get too invested. They read into things."

"So there's been other girls?" Remy asked trying to sound casual.

"Jealous?"

"Are you trying to flirt with me?"

"Depends, is it working?" Remus said slipping his arms around her waist.

"I've never seen you like this before."

"Am I doing something wrong?" Remus asked backing off.

"No, this is perfect," Remy said leaning in and kissing him.

Remus pulled her close and and started kissing her neck. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and the two separated. Teresa entered with a plate of cookies.

"Sorry love, I just thought you two might be hungry."

"Thank you Teresa, that's very sweet."

"Will you be staying for dinner?"

"I'd be happy to," Remy said with a smile.

"Well that's just lovely. Let me know if you too need anything. We're happy to have you here Remy."

"Your mom might be more into me than you are," Remy said after Teresa left.

"I don't think that's possible," Remus said with a shy smile.


	24. Chapter 24

"So Evans has had the house to herself for the week before term and she wasn't going to have a party?" Sirius asked shocked.

"I know, I have no idea what kind of person does that."

The three were joking as Remy tried to pick out clothes. They were all excited about going to visit Lily because she lived in a muggle neighborhood. None of them had ever spent much time inside a muggle house and were very excited.

They apporated to a vacant park down the street and wandered into a normal neighborhood. They could hear music and television through open windows. Muggles were playing with their children out in the yard.

"This place is fucking weird," James said looking around.

"I know mate. Look at all the silly things they do."

"Hey tossers stop staring and come inside," Mary yelled through a window.

The three wandered inside to find the girls already very drunk. Remy was surprised to find Remus also seemed to be drinking.

"Merlin when did you guys get started?" James asked.

"Come off it Potter, were just having fun," Lily slurred hugging Remy.

"Everyone is here now! Come join our game!"

"I'll probably regret this, but what are we playing?" Remy asked hesitantly taking a seat.

"It's called never have I ever. You do a shoot everytime you've done something. You can't lie. We have veiratserum in it!" Marlene was hard to understand through her giggling.

"This seems like its kinda a bad idea guys," Remy said looking to Remus for support.

"It's fine Remy. Come sit with me," Remus pulled Remy half into his lap and she tried to play it off. She still hadn't talked to James or Sirius about where she'd been going lately.

"Never have I ever cheated on an exam," Lily said proudly.

"Well I'm going to be fucked at this game," Sirius said drinking his shoot. Remy, Alice, and James all followed his lead

"Never have I ever played quidditch," Mary said getting almost everyone except Lily.

"Never have I ever been in a car," Remus said smirking at Lily. This finally got her along with everyone but Peter.

"Never have I ever been in love," Marlene said shifting the mood.

Alice's glass filled and she smiled to herself. Everyone's eyes shifted to James and Sirius staring at their now full glasses. Lily and Remy both stared at the floor.

"Here's to love," James said coldly.

"Never have I ever had a banana," Peter said lightening the mood again.

"I've got a good one," Alice said giggling. "Never have I ever fancied a Marauder."

All the girls glasses filled and Alice seemed pleased with herself. The reaction from the boys was visible.

"Alright, confession time," Alice said giggling.

"No, that's not part of the game," Lily said looking concerned.

"No Evans, let's hear it. Who's the marauder you've fancied."

"Fine, Remus in fourth year," Lily struggled for a moment before she continued. "And Potter, sometimes, recently."

"Holy Shit Lily!" Remy yelled while the other girls screamed.

"What about you then Remy, who have you fancied?"

"Don't do this Lily."

"No Remy, you have to answer."

"Fine, Sirius and Remus."

"When?" Lily asked coldly.

"Lily don't do this."

"Don't tell me what to do Potter. Answer my question Remy."

Remy was fighting hard against having to answer. Tears started to run down her face and she was shaking. "Now, I like them both now."

"Never have I ever shagged a marauder," Sirius said his voice shaking.

Everyone watched Remy's glass fill in silence. Tears were pouring down her face. She couldn't look at Sirius or anyone. He stood up and walked out and she went after him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. That's where I've been going. I should have told you Sirius."

"You don't owe me anything, Remy. He's better for you then I could ever be."

"It's not about that Sirius. You're my best friend. I care about you and I don't want to loose you."

"Stop Remy, please," Sirius turned to look at her with tears in his eyes. When she tried to reach out to him he was already gone.


	25. Chapter 25

The train ride was awkward for everyone, except maybe Peter. Remy sat with Peter and Sirius, but down on the floor so she wouldn't have to touch anyone. She had considered sitting with the girls, but she was still livid with Lily.

Remus was sitting with the girls. He hadn't exactly been thrilled to find out that Remy still had feeling for Sirius. He knew it was stupid of him to think that they'd ever turn into something, but that last month of summer had been so perfect.

To top it all off James had made Headboy and he was trapped in a compartment with Lily. He wouldn't look at her as she kept trying to run over the details of their coming meeting. Everything had gone to shit after that party.

"Potter you're not listening."

"No, I'm not. You run the meeting. You have all the ideas."

"No, we are meant to do this together. I'm not going to just do all the work and let you get all the glory."

"Fine Evans, I'll lead. Let me see your notes."

James read over Lily's notes quietly and shocked her with how well he was able to lead. He used his natural charm and was even kind to the Slytherins. Lily could hardly contain her shock.

"You did really well."

"Thanks Evans, turns out I'm not terrible at everything," James said coldly as he walked out.

Lily was left alone fighting back tears. Everyone had been freezing her out over the last week. That night she was drunk and embarrassed and she so regretted what she'd done.

"Lily?" 

"Hey Remus, sorry I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed."

"Prongs not pulling his weight?"

"No, he actually did great, which is almost more frustrating. I'm sorry Remus. I'm sorry for causing this whole mess."

"You're not the idiot who shagged his best mate."

"Have you talked to her?"

"No, she's not really talking to anyone. And I don't know what to say to her anyway. I knew this was a bad idea and I just did it anyway."

"You can't help who you fall for."

"But I can fucking control myself or I used to be able to. That's why nothing ever happened with us."

"What?"

"Oh come off it Lily. Back in fourth year you were all over me. You'd wait outside my lessons to try and run into me."

"I thought I was so clever," Lily said laughing as her face went bright red.

"No Lils, it was awful. Prongs wouldn't talk to me for weeks."

"Well he's an overbearing prat."

"Come on Lily, looks like we're here."

The pair exited to a huge crowd forming on the station. Ministry officials were standing around Remy and she had no expression. Suddenly she took of running into the woods and Sirius and James were tearing after her. Remus dropped his bag and took of after the boys.

It didn't take Remus long to find them. Remy was lying in the middle of the of a clearing sobbing. James and Sirius were both standing back, but Remus didn't hesitate sit down beside her. Remy rested her head in his lap and just sobbed.

"Remy, love, what happened?"

"He's dead," Remy sobbed.

Remus didn't need more than that to know she meant Derek. The only real family Remy ever knew.

"What happened?"

"They said it was a hate crime. The aurors found Derek and Lyra brutally murdered in their small apartment. They think it might be connected to those muggle murders. The same face was on their wall," James explained.

"It's called a dark mark," Sirius mumbled.

"What?"

"It's called a dark mark. My parents have them as tattoos. It's part of some kind of society. They started following this crazy wizard that bought into the whole blood purity shit."

"It was because Lyra was a werewolf," Remy said softly siting up and wrapping her arms around herself.

"What?"

"She's right. Lyra was muggle born too, so she would represent everything they hated."

"You knew, didn't you?" Remy asked looking at Sirius with cold eyes.

"No, Remy come on. They don't even talk to me."

"Your mom still sends you letters."

This shocked Remus and James. Sirius had always made it sound like he had no contact with his family.

"They're just treats and slurs."

"Did they know about Lyra from you?"

"No! Remy I haven't ever written back. I've never told them anything," Sirius voice cracked and he looked heartbroken.

Lyra fell back into sobs and collapsed into Sirius. She kept muttering apologies and he whispered back to her. James and Remus were wrapped around them and they stayed like that until Dumbledore cleared his throat.

"Ms. Banks, I can offer nothing but my sincere apologies. Classes shall be suspended for a week and we are more than willing to allow you all the time you need. Mr. Potter and Mr. Lupin I must pull you away to help organize the students during this difficult time."

That left Sirius and Remy together into the ever darkening wood. Remy returned to sobs as soon as the boys left and Sirius could do nothing but hold her while she cried.

"Hey, love why don't we skip the castle tonight?"

"I don't think we should just sleep out here Sirius."

"I know a place we can crash."

Sirius led her silently through the woods. And they came out into an alley in Hogsmeade. There was a small inn down a little path and Sirius led them inside. Dressed in their Hogwarts robes it was obvious they shouldn't be there, but Sirius offered enough galleons that no one said anything. He took Remy upstairs and stepped out to buy enough cigarettes and booze to help numb the pain.

"I'm sorry Sirius, I shouldn't have said that stuff."

"You get a pass today."

"You're uncle died right after your parents disowned you right?"

"Yeah, he was the only good family I ever knew. He never had any kids, but was always kind to me and my cousins. All my happy memories as a kid were in his house."

"How do you do it? Derek always made things okay. He always looked after me. I should have gone sailing with him. I should have written more."

"Stop Rem, that's not going to help. Derek loved you. I don't have a magic secret to being alone in the world. It always hurts not having a family."

Remy began drinking heavily and trying to numb out the pain. Sirius wasn't going to stop her tonight.

"Do you really love me?" Remy asked after about half a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Yeah, Rems I do."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Remy. You're the only person I've never had to hide stuff from. Even when I do fucked up shit you don't hold it against me. You make me crazy, but also stupid happy.

"I don't know if I'll ever love anyone."

"I felt like that until I met you," Sirius said not meeting her eye.

Remy walked over and curled up in his lap. Using him like this was wrong, but she didn't care. She needed him to hold her and promise things wouldn't always hurt this much.


End file.
